Fans of watching overrated Irish actors compare their penis to an uncharged battery while having recorded sex with topless models, we've got some bad news for you. The Colin Farrell sex tape has a bleak future.

Because Colin Farrell and his sex tape co-star Nicole Narain have reached an agreement over the 14-minute tape – basically deciding that it'll stay private forever. We're heartbroken, or at least we would be if the thought of Colin Farrell having sex with anyone didn't make us instantly vomit up ever piece of food we've ever eaten.

While you probably spent your Easter Sunday sitting on a sofa with one hand casually rammed down your trousers, cramming over-packaged chocolate into your mouth and wondering if Keeping Up Appearances was really the best thing the BBC could have shown on a religious holiday, Colin Farrell spent his in a room with some lawyers thrashing out an agreement to keep the infamous Colin Farrell sex tape private.

Colin Farrell and ex-girlfriend Nicole Narain have been locked in a legal nightmare since last July, when Narain decided that she could probably make a quick buck from trying to sell the tape. But, on Sunday, former Playmate Nicole Narain and freshly rehabbed actor Colin Farrell finally sorted out their differences, according to Narain's attorney, Leodis Matthews:

"We worked out our differences and settled. The terms are confidential, and both parties are happy."

However, freakish fans of watching the grubby intimate moments of famous people still have one glimmer of hope – the Colin Farrell sex tape has been briefly popping up on the internet from time to time. And, if that fails, you can always go to a Japanese cinema to smell Colin Farrell. You weirdos.

Read more:

Colin Farrell Settles Sex Tape Dispute – Forbes

[story by Stuart Heritage]