When you’re a female celebrity, getting your cleavage right is the difference between looking like a classy fashionista who everyone wants to be or, say, Victoria Beckham.

But who’s got the best dressed cleavage at the moment? Here’s a hint – it certainly isn’t Victoria Beckham. Victoria Beckham looks like someone implanted two monkey skulls three feet apart on her ribcage in her sleep and she hasn’t noticed yet. Her boobs look like two vacuum-packed tennis balls being kept apart by magnetic repulsion.

Anyway, as we were saying, if Victoria Beckham has the worst-dressed cleavage in the world (and she has – if someone showed you a close-up photo of Victoria Beckham’s cleavage and then a close-up photo of a tramp’s bare testicles stretched out under some chiffon you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference) then who’s got the best?

Is it you? We’ve come across a best-dressed cleavage competition – a classy one, not one of those manky Nuts magazine ‘woarr, show us your tits’ one – that asks you to post photos of your cleavage online. The winner gets £250 of lingerie vouchers, and becomes the face of a website’s boutique lingerie section, and will probably be responsible for the wistful sighs of several bored old men around the world. Who could say no to that?

A word of advice, though. Don’t bother entering if you’re Victoria Beckham, You won’t win. We’ve got a nicer cleavage than you and we’re men. Hairy, hairy men.

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Best Dressed Cleavage Competition – OSOYOU