It’s fair to say that John Lennon was a bit of a musical genius. He and Paul McCartney momentarily stopped nicking cars and Hobnobs from the corner shop to write a whole load of pop tunes. These songs captivated a city, a country and later the whole world.
However, every successful star has a downfall, and he had a couple. But unlike today’s woozy musicians, like the moon crater face bloke from Keane, the copious amounts of drugs he took didn’t knacker him up. Instead, it was a stumpy Japanese woman called Yoko Ono.
Once she got hold of him, he kind of went a bit soppy, writing billions of songs in her honour. His other silly mistake was getting naked on a 1968 Rolling Stone cover with her. Not a pleasant sight. After John Lennon got his brains splattered across New York, she disappeared for a while. But still reappeared now and then to tell us that she was married to a Beatle.
Now she’s back to defend peg-legged Heather Mills. Another ex-Beatle’s wife. But, while Linda McCartney left us nothing but a horrible line of frozen food meals, Paul McCartney’s latest divorcee hasn’t quite done anything on such a scale. Probably because she isn’t dead yet. Though she is quite well hated now by a) gold-diggers who didn’t get to Paul first and b) legions of deluded Beatles fans who worship the ground their hero walks on.
Does it matter if he puts out a totally strange and crap classical-sounding album? Of course not, these fans will lap it up. The same fans who undoubtedly know where their hero buys his burgers and jockstraps.
The ongoing Heather Mills v Paul McCartney feud has been gripping the nation for months. We’ve even been told that Hollywood wants to make a five-hour epic movie starring the two. Heather’s story will be told as a poor pauper girl who one day meets Paul, the man of her dreams at a vegetarian cook-off competition.
After discussing the ins and outs of leaf and pinecone soup, the two marry, argue and then fight. But it’s no ordinary fight. Their anti-meat diet gives them super powers. Powers where they fight through distant galaxies – in the past, present and future.
Rat milk drinker Heather recently got a fair slice of her ex’s wealth in last month's divorce settlement. How does £24.3 million sound? Not bad by anyone’s standards, but Heather was still hopping mad. And, no, it wasn’t because some cruel bastard nicked her false leg.
With that sort of money at her disposal, she can now afford a leg for all occasions. White and pasty; tanned and gorgeous; or battered and bruised.
The press have never been kind to poor Heather. Ever since the two announced their marriage, plenty of people, including Paul’s own daughter Stella, said it would never work out.
Everyone was right, and if we’d been bothered to put a bet on, we would have been rolling in the money. Just like Heather is now. So while everyone shakes their fist at Heather Mills in anger, an unlikely source has come to her aid. That’s right, the former squeeze of John Lennon, Yoko Ono. She told Now Magazine:
"It's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles. I think all the wives did suffer, but suffered quietly and endured."
How it would be hard is beyond us. If we happened to be attached to someone famous, we think we could cope. Of course, our egos would swell and we’d demand vintage 1989 Tango, but is that so much to ask?
As our other-halves made all the money, we’d sit buy and count it all up – before throwing it in the air and re-counting it again.
Read More – Yoko Ono defends Heather Mills saying its hard to be married to a Beatle – Now Magazine
andreasedge says
Matthew Laidlow, did you REALLY have to write “Lennon got his brains splattered across New York”? You are a sicko, and you should stop being one.
Simon Dingley says
Does anyone fact check what this clown Matthew Laidlow writes before it gets published? Or does he have free licence to write any crap he wants? Since when did Lennon and McCartney “nick cars.”? I really doubt the Mills-McCartney feud has “gripped the nation.” as Low-blow writes. I am no fan of Heather Mills, but to call her peg-legged and refer to her as “hopping mad” is juvenile.
What kind of journalism is this?
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
Tell me why Yoko looks like Joe Pesci in this picture! Tell me, Mateys!! Nyarrr!!
P.S.: Lennon’s brains hardly saw Queens. They got ALMOST as far as the Guggenheim and stopped just about there- maybe 98th and that area. …but I KNOW they didn’t rain on Queens!!! NO BRAINS IN QUEENS, MY FREINDS!!!! NO BRAINS IN QUEENS!!!!
gir says
“What kind of journalism is this?”
It’s the very best kind; it’s the kind that irritates the retarded.
munch says
I love it how people read entire Hecklerspray articles and then criticise at writers for their tabloid journalism.
I simply love it.
David Asher says
Fire this puke. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shawna says
I had to scroll back up… eww, she does look like Joe Pesci.
Gilbert Wham says
If Yoko Ono was more like Joe Pesci, the world would be a better place…
euclid says
…if Joe Pesci was sitting on an over-stuffed sofa trying
to remove the upholstery buttons with his anus.
mst3kster says
“…if Joe Pesci was sitting on an over-stuffed sofa trying
to remove the upholstery buttons with his anus.” – LOL!!!
That would make him the Sofa-King…
Sofa-King retarded.