Yay! Gwyneth Paltrow Likes The British More Than Americans

Gwyneth Paltrow Britain American America Interesting IntelligentGwyneth Paltrow has played all sorts of characters in her time, but none more challenging than her latest role – now Gwyneth Paltrow is a playing woman who all Americans want to kick up the arse because she likes British people more than them.

You see, in a recent interview Gwyneth Paltrow started spouting off about how British people were more interesting, intelligent and civilised than their American counterparts, and her comments appear to have sparked off some kind of nationwide outrage in America. Sure, we know that a little over a year ago Gwyneth Paltrow said the exact opposite thing and gave Britain a slating, but we're going to ignore that because the sense of validation that we get when a watery macrobiotic wooly-headed ninny who names her children after various pieces of fruit like Gwyneth Paltrow shows slightly more affection towards us than the country her family is from is simply overwhelming.

When people say to us "hecklerspray, what's the difference between British people and American people?" we always point them in the direction of Gwyneth Paltrow, because of the different reactions she provokes. Back in October 2005 Gwyneth Paltrow started bitterly complaining about Britain to an American magazine, perhaps not realising that both countries share the same language. Anyway, Gwyneth said:

"I’m just like, ‘The street is filthy, could we take off our shoes before we come into the house?’ … Also, the customer service is just rubbish in England. People are much more relaxed there, and things take for ever to get done. They’ll tell you it’ll take two weeks for your Internet service to be fixed! It drives me nuts."

And in response to Gwyneth Paltrow's unprovoked attack the people of Britain came together and… well, sort of gave a begrudging agreement, really, grumbling that Britain is quite shit actually, mainly because Justin Lee Collins lives there. But Gwyneth Paltrow is nothing but fair, and so when she had to give an interview to a Portuguese newspaper, Gwyneth started laying into Americans too:

"I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner. I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilised than the Americans."

These comments – and here's how Britain and America are different, folks – have apparently started a wave of slightly redundant anti-Gwyneth Paltrow sentiment in America, as The Mirror reports:

Her comments sparked anger in the US, where radio and TV chat shows were deluged with protests yesterday. One caller said: "She sounds like she thinks she's better than us. She should stay across the Atlantic. We don't need her." Another ranted: "If she feels that way we are far better off without her."

As well as this idiotic right-wing " Hey Gwyneth! Love it or leave it! And, yes, we're technically aware that you've left it already but you get the idea" squawking, Americans are also organising several public mass burnings of Gwyneth Paltrow Bounce, Possession, Duets and Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow DVDs, or at least they would if anyone was brave enough to admit that they own any of them.

But, hey, Americans. Don't feel upset that Gwyneth Paltrow prefers us to you. Because, like it or not, Gwyneth Paltrow still displays a lot of American characteristics – like having the bizarre desire to exorcise her house and sing songs with rappers – so when she insults you she really insults herself. Plus, if you needed any more convincing of how American Gwyneth Paltrow is, she still gives her children really fucking stupid names, and we hear that's about as American as Abraham Lincoln eating a slice of apple pie while doing a drive-by on Mickey Mouse

Read more:

Gwyn Trouble – Mirror  


  1. Gilbert Wham says

    “watery macrobiotic wooly-headed ninny” she may be, but you have to admit, on this occasion at least she’s absolutely right…

  2. Jerry Peragine says

    Oh, yes, the British are most certainly “better”, far more civilized, sure. There’s nothing boring about middle-class Brits, nope – they’re just firecrackers at the dinner table,
    regular founts of scintillating conversation. And as for “class”, just go down to Borstal and get a look at the upcoming crop of Brits – clearly more refined than Americans,
    no question about it. That you’d celebrate the “rightness” of an accusation from Gwynn, whose room-temperature IQ nonetheless didn’t prevent her imagination coming up
    a child’s name like “Apple”, well….you must be a Brit as well!
    Jerry Peragine
    Harrisburg, PA

  3. Ophiuchus says

    Only the British are so desperate and hard-up for approval to be all giddy about the words of a dumb blond actress. Or, for that matter, so egotistical to actually think that any Americans actually give a damn who she thinks she prefers at the moment.
    Actually, these two comments go together well.
    So what she is really saying is that Americans are cleaner and more efficient and the British are more laid-back and less capitalistic. There are certainly things to like about each.
    So she likes both better than the other in different situations.
    Anyhow, it is not common in America to have houses exorcized. As for giving kids really fucking stupid names, have you ever taken a look at the names commonly in use in England? Not only are they really stupid, but it seems no one has an ounce of creativity either. Just keep using those really dumb names.

  4. BillieJo MacAllister says

    Before we go anywhere near the name thing just remember you have Sir Bob’s girls and the Beckham boys to answer for.
    Otherwise we’re happy to let y’all keep Gwennie forever, we’ll throw in Tom, Katie and Suri-san if it’ll sweeten the deal.

  5. ExorcizedHouse??? says


    Who in the U.S. gets their house exorcized? I live in the U.S. and have never seen this.

    Sounds entertaining. Does it involve a Catholic priest like in the movies?

    England has great people and an enjoyable culture. I’ve travelled to 20 countries and I still think the British have the best sense of humor in the world. England’s culture, city life, and entertainment scene is a second to none in my opinion.

    The only problem is I can’t go surfing, can’t go snow skiing, can’t climb 14,000+ foot mountains, can’t snorkel in the 90 degree tropical ocean water, can’t water ski without a wetsuit, and can’t enjoy untouched, pristine natural wildlife without leaving the country. I think the US might be the only country in the world that delivers a world class outdoorsman lifestyle for all summer and winter sports.

    That is why I moved to the U.S. from Southampton.

    England is a really cool place for artsy, entertainer type people like Paltrow. For an outdoor enthusiast like me, it’s a jail.

    I still love my country though.

  6. Nick says

    The UK and the USA are united by a shared language, a shared culture and, now, a shared contempt for the half-baked rantings of our Gwen. Let’s concentrate on the positives rather than worrying about whether some bloody actress prefers London to New York or not.