There is a secretive conglomerate in Hollywood. It’s one based on shame and embarrassment, it is a black stain on the off-white dress that is supposed to be fame. It’s a potential career shattering club that no celebrity wants to join, but chosen lifestyle often pulls them in regardless  The only time membership is brought up at all is when it’s whispered in the darkest shadow to lawyers, attorneys or family.

Until we get the mugshots anyway. The clique we’re talking about is the one with all the celebrities who’ve been arrested. You’ve got Winona Ryder, Kobe Bryant and Hugh Grant all being bona-fide card carrying members to name a few. And then you’ve got more recently inducted Yanni. Yup, ol’ moustache totin’ keyboard strokin’ Yanni went and got himself all locked-up. 

Someone should warn him that if he keeps on this destructive hip-hop-like path, he’s gonna find himself shot up by rival easy listening thugs, like Enya or John "Just give me a reason" Tesh.

Yanni (CDs) has always had a gift. He writes music that is so upbeat and
amiable it makes the birds in the sky fly just a little higher, brings
entire fields of flowers into fuller bloom, and encourages bulimics to
somehow shove a toothbrush that much farther down their skinny little
throats.

It would seem that at the Yanni camp all is not well. He’s been
arrested recently for domestic battery, as alleged by his girlfriend -
33-year-old Silvia Barthes. Barthes is said to have called the
police from the confines of a bathroom in their $7.7 million home. She
went into the room after allegedly being shaken, pushed and slapped by
the man who’s written such songs as Butterfly Dance, Flight Of Fantasy and not Why You Always Make Me So Angry, Baby?

Police did say the woman had a bloody lip when they arrived, which
would seem to support her side of the story. Yanni said she gave it to
herself when he grabbed her arms after he was kicked right smack in the
nethers  A thorough check for bruising on Yanni’s tea bag was neither
conducted nor requested by anybody. 

The allegations caused Yanni – real name John Y. Christopher
- to spend 12 hours in jail. Upon release he was told to stay away
from his girlfriend, and to check in with the court on a daily basis.
The musician’s attorney said in a statement to the press that Yanni
would not have hit his lover, as:

"the last thing this man would want
to do is hurt his hands."

The world of elevator music and middle aged radio is still reeling
from this unfortunate incident. It is now believed that the only man
capable of getting it all back on track is Zamfir and the sweet
whistlings of his mystical pan flute. If this is true, then speed
thine next album, Zamfir, speed thine next album! Current shopping
mall PA systems are in a dearth!

Read more:

Yanni Arrested in Alleged Domestic Dispute - ABC 

[story by Shawn Lindseth]