On Saturday X Factor had an Abba theme – you know, like every single rubbish office party you've ever been to has had an Abba theme – to see which singer was best at doing rubbish over-familiar songs that people only like ironically.
People on shows like X Factor always make time to point out just how difficult it is to sing an Abba song, but really they're talking through their arses – we've spent way way way too many dreary evenings in horrible pubs listening to gangs of screeching women shriek Dancing Queen like it was the most hilariously original idea in the history of modern thought to disprove that notion. Although maybe we're wrong – Saturday's X Factor contained more out and out dreadfulness than in any of the previous episodes, as we're about to find out.
Here are the X Factor betting odds for Ray Quinn and Eton Road…
Ray Quinn – Ray Quinn has a very select fanbase on X Factor that's made of cooing menopausal old women and – judging by the comments left by Ray fans on hecklerspray – teenagers that couldn't spell a simple word if you held a gun to their sodding heads. And Ray went for this audience bigstyle this week – the VT package showed clips of him running around as a kid with exactly the same hateful smug grin smeared all over his face as he has now. That was just the foreplay though; the main event came when – after getting mainly good reviews for his big band tune last week – Ray sang Waterloo to the tune of Ain't That A Kick In The Head, the big band song he performed last week. At one point Ray – overbrimming with misplaced confidence – pointed to a woman in the audience and winked. The woman reacted in the same way she would if a tramp started pissing on her shoes. And that was the best part of the performance. Let's hope that Ray's fanbase liked the performance, since most people will have realised that it was a disgracefully smug mess. Current X Factor betting odds – 18/1
Eton Road – Eton Road are a boyband comprising a boy who looks like he eats Botox for breakfast, two vaguely camp-looking boys and a confused misplaced skinhead. Most of the songs Eton Road sing are pants, but on this week's X Factor they sang Does Your Mother Know and – worryingly – it could have been the best performance of the night. It was tight, it was enthusiastic, and – despite Facelift Boy's odd compulsion to randomly make noises like his balls were being dipped into icy water – it was mostly pulled off with ease. Two causes for concern, though – after Eton Road's performance finished it sounded as if someone had nudged up the volume level of the audience to make them sound more enthusiastically received than they were, and also Facelift Boy decided that they'd be the best because "There were four people in Abba and there are four of us." By that theory, Eton Road will also be fantastic at singing songs by Napalm Death, Cypress Hill and The Cheeky Girls twice. Current X Factor betting odds – 7/2
Tomorrow – X Factor betting odds for Ben and Leona
Toyah says
dont give up ray you are extreamly good and i look forward to watching the x factor because you are very
intertaining to watch. and you have great taste in music. keep it up! am voting for you to win XxXxXxXxXxXxX
cheryl connolly says
to ray
u are the very best u done us all proud last nite at liverpool we all love ya loads and loads and wil never forget ya wil vote til the very end ur a winner lad love cheryl xxxxx
jamie lee says
ray is well good
Rachel says
hiya ray. just thought i wud say ur very very sexy.
jai green says
iya ray a wz just ritin 2 say i love u and danny yaz r fit n a will ask da liverpool baker bout ya cakes even dow yours was boss kisses n hugs jai xxx
Kelz says
Rays..ur bare CUT3 babz xx
Paula says
Ray’s brilliant. I love Swing, he’s an awesome entertainer.
devzz says
omg!!! I LOVE RAY HE IS THE BESSST AND HE IS SOOOO CUTE!!! RAY TU WIN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
X X helen and nicky X X says
IYA WE FINK YAS R ALL BOSS BUT WE LOVE RAY TO BITS HE IS SOOOOOOO SEXY N EVERY TIME HE IS IN TOWN US 2 GO N WE R EA TO BK YA UP LAD X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X LUV YA X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
X X helen and nicky X X says
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX QuInN 2 WiN We LuV Ya XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
XXxx nickyand helenxxXX says
Omg we pya luv ray quinn text ray ‘vote ray’ to 83322 plzzzz coz we luv him propa scouser 4 lyf lad uve dun well ‘you’ll neva walk alone’ well dun you av dun liverpool proud ray n ya fit whooooooluv nicky n helen from liverpool x x x x x x
Sam says
do you think Nicky and Helen are genuine or just some sly satire on the whole “Ray loving” thing?
Then I scrolled up and saw the other comments left here.. Oh. The Horror
Sam says
And I’ve commented on completely the wrong entry. B*llocks
chloe says
hiya every1 reading this i fikn ray’s gr8 so he shud win for definant hes absolutely fantastic lv me xxxxxx
Cheryl says
iyaa! OMG! i love rya!!! cnt believe he didnt win :( gutted!!! :(
Lauren anderson says
Ray u r just perfect i wish u won i am devistated well if u hav a concert i will be ther u r the cutest person i hav ever seen u look so happy when u r on stage it looks lovely plus dont listen to the juges singing is for entertaining and just be yaself and dont give up u r a mint and realy cool boy u have talent and i believe in u have a lovely xmas Love Lauren Anderson XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Lauren anderson says
i am actually crying right now u were just the best u should of won but keep it up dont give up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sarah-Lou says
Raymond Quinn i love you soo much i fink ur sooooo gorjus i absolutely love yaaa i wanted u 2win soo much i cried my eyes out b4 da results and after allllll nytttt n sulked all day 2dayyy i wanted u 2 win so much i felt so nervous n then gutted 4 ya :( u shuda wun even dow ur gna go far now n get a contract anyways i absoltely love yaaaaaaaa so muchhhhhhh ur soo cute n i love ya u got a wkd voice n wkd dancer n was so cute in brook side im only 15 but omgggggg i love ya i wana marry u kidda!! i voted 4 u soo many times ma bills gna be large :D but ur worth it xx please cum birminghamm so i can meet ya :D lol xx love u millionssssssssss sarahhhhh blatchford from birmingham xx
x.x.xEllie says
Hey Hey x.x.x
Ray Quinn i love you and your singing so so so so so so so so so so much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i can’t belive that you didn’t win i love your moves i want to marry u kidda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lots And Lots Of Loves
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x. From Ellie your Wife Joking.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.
x.x.x.x.x……………………..xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx………………………….xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx…………………………….xxxxxxxxxxxx.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x..x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx……………………………………………………………………………………………………x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x………………………………………………………………………………………………………….xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx..x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.
Alissa says
hey.x.
ya gf is soooooo lucky …! . * u fink ya guna marry?
i wanna wish u luk 4 da future,..*
hope simonm sighs u up n den every1 can c u doin ya doin ya stuff age :)
luv ya liss .*xXx*.
frm preston near *liverpool* :D
ryan fletcher says
hey i cant believe leona won i wanted ray well bad 2 win lol
heidi mitchell says
OMG! i luv ray to bitz he iz so fit n can sing!
keep up da gd wrk bbz!
hope i c ya sooon mwah mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[x]heidi 4 ray[x]
Jorden aka Mrs Quinn lol says
woaaaaaaaaah ray is lush he should of won the x factor like but he is gonna do sooooooo well love him to peices heehee xXx
lauren says
ray was boss he shdve won. he is sooooooooooooo sxc!!! luv im loads xxxxxx
leah says
I CANT BELIVE RAY DIDENT WIN
but the good thing is he has a album out soon
ooh and dont worry ill be the first one to get it
(you should read the newzpaper!)
leah says
one day me and my freinds were making a film and me cloe and rebecca were talking about xfactor
me and cloe loved ray and becca loved ben
but the thing we dident realise was the hole class was listing even the techers
CRINGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jessica says
Omg !! ray so shud av won i meen him an leona r great singers !
but he is a gr8 entertainer !! an i lurve him 2 bits
i went 2 c him in town wen he was singin an i av never been 2 nothin lyk that b 4 n it was amazin
he is fab mwahhhh !!!
i cant wait till rays album cms out it will b boss i no it .. ill b the first 1 in the shop 2 bi it lol
he shud b realli proud that he got as far as he did in the x-factor n every bodys knows he did his best luv ya xoxoxox
teriann says
ray should have one i booooooed my eyes out when he lost and i was so miserabal the next day then the monday i found out he got a recording deal and i was so happy I LUV RAY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX