We spent Monday and Tuesday looking at the chances that most of the X Factor hopefuls have of winning the series, and we’ve been saving the best for last for you. We think, anyway.
If you believe little things like betting odds, you’d see that the three X Factor contestants we’re going to look at today just happen to be the three X Factor contestants who are most likely to emerge victorious from X Factor, ready for their brand new career as singers who are famous for two months then forgotten about in favour of whoever’s winning Celebrity Big Brother. When the X Factor contestants cry and say how much they need the opportunity, that’s the opportunity they’re talking about. Cuh – imagine what they’d do if you offered them a proper job. Shit their pants, probably.
Here are the X Factor betting odds for Ashley McKenzie, Leona Lewis and Ben Mills, with betting odds from PaddyPower.com…
Ashley McKenzie – We’ve finally figured out what Ashley McKenzie looks like – he looks like the Crazy Frog with an afro. However, despite his terrifying appearance, Ashley McKenzie eased through Saturday’s X Factor by singing Easy Like Sunday Morning and making it his own. By ‘making it his own’ we of course mean that Ashley sang “I’m izzy lakka sundiy morrrnan” instead of actual words that are in the English language. But – hey – it worked for him, so who are we to take the piss? Ahem. Current X Factor betting odds – 8/1
Leona Lewis – Leona Lewis is a very good singer; she must be, because she does that annoying Mariah Carey ‘aaaoooooh‘ thing at every single opportunity she gets. Since she was singing I’ll Be There on Saturday’s X Factor, that meant she could go ‘aaaoooooh‘ about a thousand billion times. And do Jazz Hands a bunch of times. And then instantly burst into tears the moment it was over. Leona Lewis is obviously being set up as the winner of X Factor – as well as being pretty as a button, Leonna is the subject of much Simon Cowell frothing. She’s ‘special’ apparently, maybe even special enough to be allowed to release two singles after X Factor ends instead of just one. Current X Factor betting odds – 3/1
Ben Mills – Imagine, if you will, that for one reason or another you’re shitting out a rock-hard turd the size and shape of a rugby ball that’s inexplicably been studded with shards of broken glass. Now imagine the sort of noise that’d come out of your mouth if you had to do this. Chances are it’d sound exactly like how Ben Mills sings – his X Factor performance of Tracks Of My Tears on Saturday consisted solely of him roaring like a lion with a van on its paw. To be fair to Ben, this approach won the X Factor judges over. They said he was like Rod Stewart. At least, we think that was a compliment… Current X Factor betting odds – 7/4
Tomorrow! We’re so over these X Factor arseholes – Thursday is Strictly Come Dancing day! Don’t forget to check out Paddypower.com for the full list of X Factor betting odds, either!
[story by Stuart Heritage]