We're starting to learn a few new things about X Factor, you know. Firstly, Louis Walsh is screwed this year; and secondly,you should never ever form a band where there are four members and you name yourself '4Something'. Ever.

Last year 4Tune were booted out of the second X Factor show because they were a bland identikit vocal group who looked ten years out of date, and this year 4Sure got knocked out of X Factor at the very same time for the very same reason. As we speak, aspiring vocal harmony groups named 4Sight, 4Head, 4Midable and 4He'sAJollyGoodFellow are all frantically scouring their Big Book Of Crappy Band Names for something less likely to get them kicked off X Factor in 2007.

But with 4Sure doo-wopping their way into X Factor oblivion, who's going to win X Factor? Your definitive guide to the X Factor betting odds starts here, with X Factor betting odds for The MacDonald Brothers, Dionne Mitchell and Robert Allen…

The MacDonald Brothers – You wouldn't want to be Louis Walsh right now, would you? Two X Factor episodes in and he's already two groups down; The Unconventionals mangled Downtown into a noise that sounded not unlike a burning zoo, and then 4Sure made sure that they became too bland even for a Saturday teatime British audience – which has to take some doing. But who does Louis Walsh have to look to for comfort? Why, none other than The MacDonald Brothers – two of the wettest, dullest, most pointless singers anyone has ever seen. Week in and week out The MacDonald Brothers stroll onstage and just simper for two and a half minutes, and their cards are surely marked. Unless, of course, Louis Walsh gives them a makeover and on next week's X Factor they dress in gimp masks and sing a gabba techno version of Oh Bondage Up Yours. And who wouldn't pay to see that? Current X Factor betting odds – 66/1

Dionne Mitchell – We know we keep mentioning Brenda Edwards from last year's X Factor when we discuss Dionne Mitchell, but that's because they are literally so identical that on the first live X Factor episode the camera kept cutting to Brenda sitting in the audience because even the director couldn't tell them apart. Dionne and Brenda share a lot of qualities – they're both slightly older black ladies who can out-sing just about anyone in the competition but who will never become pop stars so long as they live. There's a perfectly good cruise ship waiting for Dionne Mitchell to sing on, but she's hardly going to be on MTV all that much – especially as the public don't seem to like her, also. We mainly blame her gappy teeth. Current X Factor betting odds – 33/1

Robert Allen – That Robert Allen, he's an exuberant sonofabitch isn't he? Instead of just singing a song like a normal person would, Robert Allen's shtick is to run around the stage like he's being chased by a rabid pitbull while punctuating the tunes with the kind of random whooping and honking and yells that you'd get from Pete out of Big Brother if you told him that useless crusty bands were the next big thing. It's not just too much – it's genuinely annoying, and Robert almost paid the price for it on Saturday's X Factor. Expect a tender ballad from him next week; either that of he'll go into overdrive and sing The Greatest Love Of All with his hair on fire, wearing a suit made of sparklers and backed by an army of 1,000 exploding majorettes. Current X Factor betting odds – 20/1

Tomorrow – the X Factor betting odds for Kerry, Nikitta, Ray and Ashley…

[story by Stuart Heritage]