X Factor 2008 was the best so far for over the top and emotional stories.

From the traditional “I’m doing this for my dead zebra Fifi” stories to “If I don’t win, the Mafia will kill my family”, they were all there. However, nothing was more physically annoying than Irish leprechaun Eoghan Quigg.

As some of you may remember, Eoghan Quigg didn’t actually win Karaoke Factor in 2008. Sadly, he came third in the competition and lost out to boy band JLS and the eventual winner Leona Lewis #2. But that’s not stopping him from getting his album out first.

What fascinated most people about our cheeky Irish friend – apart from his stupid name – was his blossoming romance with fellow contestant and freaky hand-gesturer Diane Vickers. It was like she had been possessed, but her evil spirit couldn’t be arsed and just made her hand spasm all the time. If her head had turned 360 degrees, she may have won. But it didn’t.

When Diane got give the boot for being more rubbish than everyone else, it was all too much for poor Eoghan. The tears started trickling and, after a while, the coast guard was alerted to a possible flood in a TV studio.

Alexander Burke then went on to win the show, even though she bears a striking resemblance to one of the show’s previous winners, Leona Lewis. Yup, they both sing awful cover versions of classic songs, come from London and look bored out of their mind unless instructed to smile by a long-suffering PA. Since releasing Hallelujah and dominating the Christmas number one spot, we’ve heard nothing from her or any other X Factor reject.

Sadly the peace can’t be sustained as news has reached us that Eoghan Quigg is going to release his first and hopefully last album on March 16th. Interestingly, it’s the Monday before Mothers Day. If you’ve been looking for a way to end all communication with your mum, then give her the following to make her disown you forever:

A copy of Eoghan Quigg’s debut album, some oil of Olay, a bottle of Blue Nun and a bunch of flowers from the local garage that’ll smell more like unleaded petrol then £2.99’s worth of daffodils

It’s strange that Eoghan Quigg has been able to make an album so quickly. Unlike his X Factor rival Alexander Burke, he hasn’t gone through the grizzly phase of puberty. Surely each time he goes to record a verse, he’ll be interrupted by his voice deepening and the fascination of his penis getting bigger when he sees a pretty lady entering the studio.

As of yet, there have been no announcements from team Burke when fresh material will arrive from her. Hopefully it won’t be any time soon. We want to enjoy our record collection before contestants from X Factor maul them to pieces whilst Simon Cowell laughs all the way to the bank.

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