Port-au-Prince still hasn’t recovered. Almost all of the rubble remains where it fell, entombing the thousands of bodies still trapped underneath it. The refugee camps set up to house the 1.6 million who lost their homes in the quake still have no electricity or running water. Scandalously, only a tiny fraction of the international aid raised in the wake of the earthquake has been released. Now more than ever, Haiti needs a hero.
And while it waits for one, Wyclef Jean – the bloke from The Fugees who most recently sang a song about how lovely Shakira‘s boobies are – will have to do. He’s decided to run for president. No, really.
The Haitian earthquake may have fallen from the headlines in recent months – largely due to the absence of insensitive religious bellends blaming it on a pact that Haiti signed with the devil – but that doesn’t mean that everything is back to normal over there. There’s still rampant hunger and poverty and disease lack of sanitation and thousands of orphans and a feeling that Haiti is just twisting in the wind while the rest of the world moves on.
What Haiti needs now is someone dynamic to leap onboard and take the reigns. Someone who has the visionary organisational skills to coordinate a full-scale repair job that can drag the country up by its shoulders and restore at least some semblance of civilisation. Someone like… what? Wyclef Jean? From The Fugees? He’s just announced his bid to become haiti’s president. Oh, sure, why not? Time reports:
Wyclef Jean told TIME that he will announce his candidacy for President of Haiti just days before the Aug. 7 deadline… The singer, likening himself to a modern-day Moses, says he feels called to take the next step to serve his people. “If not for the earthquake, I probably would have waited another 10 years before doing this,” Jean says.
Now, before you start getting all uppity, remember that all of Wyclef Jean’s songs are drenched in spiritual meaning. Gone Till November was obviously a message to the people of Haiti, saying that he may have left but he’ll return to save them eventually. It Doesn’t Matter – his duet with that wrestler – was a zen meditation on evils of materialism, based on the Buddhist parable Releasing The Cows. Shakira‘s Hips Don’t Lie was a celebration of humanity’s irrepressible spirit. And that song about him having it off with a stripper lots of times was…
Oh, fine, most of Wyclef Jean’s songs are drenched in spiritual meaning. Some are just about him shagging titty models. Happy now?
A clear picture has yet to develop about who Wyclef Jean’s opposing candidates will be, but it doesn’t really matter. Wyclef obviously has the ability to become Haiti’s next Nelson Mandela figure, only better because Nelson Mandela never wrote or performed a song called Bubblegoose. Seriously, Wyclef’s got this election in the bag.