WWE Lunk Chris Jericho Busted For Boozy Taxi Scrap

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Well this came out of nowhere – apparently professional wrestlers can be a bit dim now and again.

Staggering, isn’t it? But famous WWE wrestler Chris Jericho and cripplingly anonymous WWE wrestler Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms are only too happy to prove that point for you. That’s why they’ve both been arrested in Kentucky for drunkenly fighting each other in the back of a taxi.

Real fighting, too – apparently Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms didn’t even strip down to their pants, shriek scripted insults at each other or trade poncey little pre-rehearsed slaps that they both reacted to in an unnecessarily exaggerated way. So, goodness, they must have been drunk.

To be a professional wrestler, it does without saying that you need three things – 1) a girl’s haircut, 2) a silly name and 3) a single-digit IQ. The latter explains a lot about wrestlers – whether it’s Hulk Hogan’s constant self-inflicted troubles or Chris Benoit doing something unspeakably awful to his family before killing himself.

And it probably explains why Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms got arrested for public intoxication following a punch-up in a taxi this week. Who are Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms? Glad you asked – Chris Jericho is a five-time WWE World Champion, nine-time Intercontinental Champion and the current Wrestler of The Year.

Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms, on the other hand, is a man whose name makes him sound like a listless middle-aged accountant. Also, we heard that the ‘Hurricane’ bit stems from his childhood, where he’d suffer from endless dizzying bouts of uncontrollable flatulence, so his wrestling nickname was always going to be either Hurricane or Corpse Arse. We made this bit up. Please don’t drunkenly attack us for it, Gregory.

But we digress. Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Corpse Arse’ Helms were arrested on Wednesday in Kentucky. MTV has details:

Police were called because Jericho and Helms had been fighting in a cab, and quoted police as saying both were “extremely intoxicated.” Helms allegedly struck three people who were also in the cab, including Jericho, a man named Gary Kelley and a female passenger named Ashley Storer. According to police, he was not arrested for the alleged attacks because the victims have not pressed charges.

Luckily for Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms, they were later discharged from custody after paying a measly bond of $120 each. This leniency is undoubtedly a good thing – if they ended up in jail for the drunken squabbling, we’d be worried for them. Two grown men with girly hair and made-up names who dress up in tiny little knickers and roll around on the floor with other men for a living? Jesus, Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms may as well have just tattooed ‘Bum Me’ across their chests to save time.

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Comments

  1. Jack says

    Wait a minute! Are you trying to tell me that these people are ever sober? The real question is, how do we get some bleach in their gene pool?

  2. joe says

    This article is just full of stupid little prick jokes. I didnt even get any facts or story out of this. The writer ruined with stupid nerdy shit. This whole paragraph doesnt even make sense.

    “Real fighting, too – apparently Chris Jericho and Gregory ‘Hurricane’ Helms didn’t even strip down to their pants, shriek scripted insults at each other or trade poncey little pre-rehearsed slaps that they both reacted to in an unnecessarily exaggerated way. So, goodness, they must have been drunk”

    Strip down to their pants? what? Shriek scripted insults poncey? I dont get it. Whoever wrote this article needs to be beat up. SOunds like a dorky little bitch

  3. Kirk says

    Stuart,

    You should get another job. Trust me…writing is not your thing. Real journalists don’t come off as jerks through 99% of the article.

    Good luck in your next career,

    Kirk

  4. Bret Hart says

    Man. You’re an f’ing idiot. They got drunk and got into a fight! Sometimes that happens when you get drunk dumba**! Not saying that is an excuse but at least they were fighting each other not the taxi driver! Also, saying that wrestlers have single-digit IQs is pretty stereotypical. At least they were smart enough to call a taxi when they were drunk! Instead of these other retards who drink and drive, who aren’t “single-digit IQ wrestlers.”

    Definitely agree with Ben Dover “Comparing a drunk fight to slaughtering a family?” You’re an idiot! You don’t know what you’re talking about! Nuff said….Owned. :)

    Go F yourself.

  5. gilbert wham says

    Well, you see, real fighting would be ‘actually hitting each other in a way calculated to cause harm, whilst simultaneously trying not to be hit in return’.
    Not being a cross between a ballet dancer and a pantomime villain, sporting tight lycra singlets (the aforementioned pants) and, quite likely, a dreadful mullet.

    Although, as fights go, this does sound more like ‘girly bitch-slapping in the back of a taxi cab’.

    Wrestling is silly, or if it’s real wrestling, a bit too homo-erotic even by normal sporting standards to be taken seriously. Fact.

  6. Bob says

    Wow, being a journalist must be really easy, anyone can sit there and write a handful of paragraphs with no purpose other than to make themselves look like an arrogant jackass.

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