Worst 7 Bond Girls
Then buzz it up
March 30th, 2008 at 15:00 by David Schwartz
We all have our favourite Bond Girls – but who is your least favourite? There is no doubt that Bond has bedded some of the most attractive film actresses ever, like Diana Rigg, Ursula Andress, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry and… errr, Grace Jones.
But even Bond's quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it's all for Queen and country.
Plus one is called Goodhead.
7. Lois Chiles
Holly Goodhead in Moonraker (1979)
Let's face it, the only thing memorable about this boring former model is her name. Possibly the worst actress ever to appear in a Bond film, we're not sure even Roger Moore took to her. She looked good in a spacesuit, though.
6. Lynn-Holly Johnson
Bibi Dahl in For Your Eyes Only (1981)
One question: Why have they cast a 14-year-old annoying girl as a Bond Babe? We can't even remember if she dies in the film. We hope she did.
5. Britt Ekland
Mary Goodnight in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Now, there's no doubt that Britt Ekland is a beautiful and sexy woman. But her performance as the bumbling Mary Goodnight was a real turn-off. Sure, she has the looks and certainly the bikini, but she is totally braindead and lacks spunk. She's even scared of that French dwarf, for God's sake. The final insult is when Bond kicks her out of bed for bloody Maud Adams!
4. Maud Adams
Octopussy in Octopussy (1983) and Andrea Anders in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Quick question: If you are going to pick a Bond girl to appear in two films, which one would you pick? Ursula Andress? Honor Blackman? Ok, so where did Maud Adams, the bland Swedish model-actress killed halfway through The Man With The Golden Gun, appear? Last? Yep, she was pretty much last on our list too. We just don't get it. She isn't even that attractive. Was she boning Roger Moore?
3. Karin Dor
Helga Brandt in You Only Live Twice (1967)
Quick note to Bond producers and casting directors: never pick a Bond girl that even the average Joe would hesitate over bedding. Seriously, even the red-blooded males at Hecklerspray Towers would need a couple of pints in us before we even thought lying back and thinking of England. She didn't live long either. The piranhas gobbled her up faster than Bond did.
2. Denise Richards
Dr Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Casting Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist is possibly the worst decision ever. In fact, the whole point of her being in the film, apart from prancing around with just a flimsy top and hot pants, was the final pay off line. You know the one, something about 'Christmas coming twice a year' or something.
1. Tanya Roberts
Stacey Sutton in A View to A Kill (1985)
Isn't it amazing that the worst Bond girls appear in the worst Bond film. Well, A View to A Kill Is the worst Bond film, and Tanya Roberts is the worst Bond girl of the lot. The former Charlie's Angel spent most of the film screaming and whining in a really high-pitched voice. Oh, and we are supposed to believe she is a geologist. Yeah, right!
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March 30th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
“Casted” is not a word. Also, Rosamund Pike and her strange, flat, face, Halle Berry and her crap acting and Teri Hatcher and her skanky scarecrowness should all be on the list.
March 30th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Thanks, have corrected ‘casted’, although I only had to pick seven, and I stand by the seven I’ve chosen.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
A View to a Kill is the bomb. Christopher Walken, Duran Duran theme song, Ski intro. Enough said.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:58 pm
The chick in “The Spy Who Loved Me” was just as bad an actress as some and was downright nasty-looking. I love that movie but honestly, she almost killed it for me.
April 1st, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Octopussy is legend, bad yes but the bond series is very campy and not meant to be taken seriously. The name itself should have been the clue to that.
April 1st, 2008 at 5:48 pm
My first impression of Denise Richards in “The World Is Not Enough” was…
WTF was Lara Croft doing in a Bond movie????
April 1st, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Seriously A View to a Kill worse than On Her Majesty’s Secret Service? I think not.
April 1st, 2008 at 6:27 pm
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April 1st, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I wouldn’t describe Bibi Dahl as a Bond girl… he was able to resist her underrage charms.
How about the chick in License to Kill? She was god awful.
A View To A Kill had all the classic components of a Bond film; I rate it high on my list.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Wasn’t there a bond girl who later turned out to be a transvestite? “It” would have been the worst on my list.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Jill St John wasnt very good in Diamonds Are Forever. She acted so dumb that she was annoying.
Denise Richards is too hot to be on this list. I think she gets a bad rap for that part too. She’s no physicist, but she’s not dumb. No actress would be convincing in that part wearing short shorts with a bare midriiff.
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:33 am
Orville: yeah there was; it was your mom
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:39 pm
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April 2nd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Oh, Lotte Lenya (”From Russia With Love”) had to have been the worst Bond girl. Depending on your definitions.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Halle Berry was the absolute worst bond girl in history of the franchise.
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 pm
That roger Moore “fvck it” scene is awesome! Never seen that before.
re: russia with love: you philistines aren’t talking about Barbera Bach, are you? She’s lovely.
I agree with JJ, for what it’s worth.
April 6th, 2008 at 2:30 am
I don’t know what you’re smoking, or from where you pulled out that A View To A Kill is the worst Bond movie. In my opinion it’s the best Bond movie.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Oh LOL. Awesome list!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
well i think that Christmas Jones was the best bond girl ever!!!!
i was so pleased they cast my faviourite actress denise richards
whom ive bin mad about from the age of 10!!!! as a bond girl i thought she had all the qualities a bond girl should have and more!!!!!
and still am mad about her i get my girlfrirend to re-enact scenes from the film to get me going
April 16th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Halle Berry should have been in the top five too. She was horrible.
Tina
http://www.ekhichdi.com/actors-actress/the-best-james-bond-hero!
April 16th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
What about Milton from Office Space?
April 16th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
OMFG MILTON WAS THE BEST BOND GIRL U R HATER ‘NOT WITHOUT MY STAPLER’ LOL
April 16th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Diamonds Are Forever is probably the shittiest Bond movie, and Jill St. John was absolutely awful. Bibi Dahl wasn’t a real Bond girl, just annoying and unnecessary. Moonraker and The Man With The Golden Gun sucked ass too, along with the leading ladies. These girls sucked at acting; they just had good bodies. Stacy Sutton in A View to a Kill was, along with that chick from License to Kill, one of the new “empowered” humorless 80s women. Oh, Lord, I almost forgot about Grace Jones. Eww. But at least Roger Moore and Christopher Walken try to redeem it. I liked Rosamund Pike and thought she was one of the most interesting Bond women since Natalya Simonova in Goldeneye.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
It’s rumored that in the upcoming “Quantum of Solace,” Blofeld’s criminally insane daughter, Blojob, will be played by Paris Hilton.
You’ll then have to update your list to “Worst 8 Bond Girls.”
April 25th, 2008 at 1:55 am
Don’t know what crack youre smoking but A View To a Kill was the best bond movie. Definately not the worst.
May 2nd, 2008 at 8:05 am
Grace Jones was my favorite. Definitely the most strikingly beautiful. She is a goddess. Most of the bond girls look alike to me with the exception of a few.