Worst 7 Bond Girls
We all have our favourite Bond Girls – but who is your least favourite? There is no doubt that Bond has bedded some of the most attractive film actresses ever, like Diana Rigg, Ursula Andress, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry and… errr, Grace Jones.
But even Bond's quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it's all for Queen and country.
Plus one is called Goodhead.
7. Lois Chiles
Holly Goodhead in Moonraker (1979)
Let's face it, the only thing memorable about this boring former model is her name. Possibly the worst actress ever to appear in a Bond film, we're not sure even Roger Moore took to her. She looked good in a spacesuit, though.
6. Lynn-Holly Johnson
Bibi Dahl in For Your Eyes Only (1981)
One question: Why have they cast a 14-year-old annoying girl as a Bond Babe? We can't even remember if she dies in the film. We hope she did.
5. Britt Ekland
Mary Goodnight in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Now, there's no doubt that Britt Ekland is a beautiful and sexy woman. But her performance as the bumbling Mary Goodnight was a real turn-off. Sure, she has the looks and certainly the bikini, but she is totally braindead and lacks spunk. She's even scared of that French dwarf, for God's sake. The final insult is when Bond kicks her out of bed for bloody Maud Adams!
4. Maud Adams
Octopussy in Octopussy (1983) and Andrea Anders in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Quick question: If you are going to pick a Bond girl to appear in two films, which one would you pick? Ursula Andress? Honor Blackman? Ok, so where did Maud Adams, the bland Swedish model-actress killed halfway through The Man With The Golden Gun, appear? Last? Yep, she was pretty much last on our list too. We just don't get it. She isn't even that attractive. Was she boning Roger Moore?
3. Karin Dor
Helga Brandt in You Only Live Twice (1967)
Quick note to Bond producers and casting directors: never pick a Bond girl that even the average Joe would hesitate over bedding. Seriously, even the red-blooded males at Hecklerspray Towers would need a couple of pints in us before we even thought lying back and thinking of England. She didn't live long either. The piranhas gobbled her up faster than Bond did.
2. Denise Richards
Dr Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Casting Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist is possibly the worst decision ever. In fact, the whole point of her being in the film, apart from prancing around with just a flimsy top and hot pants, was the final pay off line. You know the one, something about 'Christmas coming twice a year' or something.
1. Tanya Roberts
Stacey Sutton in A View to A Kill (1985)
Isn't it amazing that the worst Bond girls appear in the worst Bond film. Well, A View to A Kill Is the worst Bond film, and Tanya Roberts is the worst Bond girl of the lot. The former Charlie's Angel spent most of the film screaming and whining in a really high-pitched voice. Oh, and we are supposed to believe she is a geologist. Yeah, right!
“Casted” is not a word. Also, Rosamund Pike and her strange, flat, face, Halle Berry and her crap acting and Teri Hatcher and her skanky scarecrowness should all be on the list.
Thanks, have corrected ‘casted’, although I only had to pick seven, and I stand by the seven I’ve chosen.
A View to a Kill is the bomb. Christopher Walken, Duran Duran theme song, Ski intro. Enough said.
The chick in “The Spy Who Loved Me” was just as bad an actress as some and was downright nasty-looking. I love that movie but honestly, she almost killed it for me.
Octopussy is legend, bad yes but the bond series is very campy and not meant to be taken seriously. The name itself should have been the clue to that.
My first impression of Denise Richards in “The World Is Not Enough” was…
WTF was Lara Croft doing in a Bond movie????
Seriously A View to a Kill worse than On Her Majesty’s Secret Service? I think not.
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I wouldn’t describe Bibi Dahl as a Bond girl… he was able to resist her underrage charms.
How about the chick in License to Kill? She was god awful.
A View To A Kill had all the classic components of a Bond film; I rate it high on my list.
Wasn’t there a bond girl who later turned out to be a transvestite? “It” would have been the worst on my list.
Jill St John wasnt very good in Diamonds Are Forever. She acted so dumb that she was annoying.
Denise Richards is too hot to be on this list. I think she gets a bad rap for that part too. She’s no physicist, but she’s not dumb. No actress would be convincing in that part wearing short shorts with a bare midriiff.
Orville: yeah there was; it was your mom
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Oh, Lotte Lenya (”From Russia With Love”) had to have been the worst Bond girl. Depending on your definitions.
Halle Berry was the absolute worst bond girl in history of the franchise.
That roger Moore “fvck it” scene is awesome! Never seen that before.
re: russia with love: you philistines aren’t talking about Barbera Bach, are you? She’s lovely.
I agree with JJ, for what it’s worth.
I don’t know what you’re smoking, or from where you pulled out that A View To A Kill is the worst Bond movie. In my opinion it’s the best Bond movie.
Oh LOL. Awesome list!
well i think that Christmas Jones was the best bond girl ever!!!!
i was so pleased they cast my faviourite actress denise richards
whom ive bin mad about from the age of 10!!!! as a bond girl i thought she had all the qualities a bond girl should have and more!!!!!
and still am mad about her i get my girlfrirend to re-enact scenes from the film to get me going
Halle Berry should have been in the top five too. She was horrible.
Tina
http://www.ekhichdi.com/actors-actress/the-best-james-bond-hero!
What about Milton from Office Space?
OMFG MILTON WAS THE BEST BOND GIRL U R HATER ‘NOT WITHOUT MY STAPLER’ LOL
Diamonds Are Forever is probably the shittiest Bond movie, and Jill St. John was absolutely awful. Bibi Dahl wasn’t a real Bond girl, just annoying and unnecessary. Moonraker and The Man With The Golden Gun sucked ass too, along with the leading ladies. These girls sucked at acting; they just had good bodies. Stacy Sutton in A View to a Kill was, along with that chick from License to Kill, one of the new “empowered” humorless 80s women. Oh, Lord, I almost forgot about Grace Jones. Eww. But at least Roger Moore and Christopher Walken try to redeem it. I liked Rosamund Pike and thought she was one of the most interesting Bond women since Natalya Simonova in Goldeneye.
It’s rumored that in the upcoming “Quantum of Solace,” Blofeld’s criminally insane daughter, Blojob, will be played by Paris Hilton.
You’ll then have to update your list to “Worst 8 Bond Girls.”
Don’t know what crack youre smoking but A View To a Kill was the best bond movie. Definately not the worst.
Grace Jones was my favorite. Definitely the most strikingly beautiful. She is a goddess. Most of the bond girls look alike to me with the exception of a few.
Bibi wasn’t as annoying as people like to make her out to be. A character like Octopussy is subtle whereas Bibi is the polar opposite of that. Spunky and in-your-face. That being said i also seem to hate Christmas alot less than others. She’s definitely one of the worst but for god sakes she’s destroyed on each and every one of these lists.
[...] lovely “Bond Girls”. So I was a bit shocked when I ran across a blog post called “Worst 7 Bond Girls“. My initial reaction was almost one of anger, but then I read the post and was reminded of [...]
you’re totally right about tonya roberts, worst ever bond girl, definitely. so annoying, helpless, annoying…watched a view to kill last night and was totally blown away by how much she sucked.
LOL did I read this correctly?!?
‘Michael says:
Grace Jones was my favorite. Definitely the most strikingly beautiful. She is a goddess.’
Errrrmmmm.. each to their own, I guess?!?!? :S
Oh and AVTAK is definitely not the worst Bond film. Ever seen Quantum of Solace? Never Say Never Again? Casino Royale (the David Niven one)?
yeh very nice
could be better,
but you know?
A View to a Kill was not the worst Bond film by a mile because Die Another Day was the worst Bond film by a mile.