The 7 Worst Bond Girls of All Time

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Worst Bond Girls Denise RichardsWe all have our favourite Bond Girls – but who is your least favourite? There is no doubt that Bond has bedded some of the most attractive film actresses ever, like Diana Rigg, Ursula Andress, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry and… errr, Grace Jones.

But even Bond’s quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it’s all for Queen and country.

Plus one is called Goodhead.

7. Lois Chiles

Holly Goodhead in Moonraker (1979)

Let’s face it, the only thing memorable about this boring former model is her name. Possibly the worst actress ever to appear in a Bond film, we’re not sure even Roger Moore took to her. She looked good in a spacesuit, though.

6. Lynn-Holly Johnson

Bibi Dahl in For Your Eyes Only (1981)

One question: Why have they cast a 14-year-old annoying girl as a Bond Babe? We can’t even remember if she dies in the film. We hope she did.

5. Britt Ekland

Mary Goodnight in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

Now, there’s no doubt that Britt Ekland is a beautiful and sexy woman. But her performance as the bumbling Mary Goodnight was a real turn-off. Sure, she has the looks and certainly the bikini, but she is totally braindead and lacks spunk. She’s even scared of that French dwarf, for God’s sake. The final insult is when Bond kicks her out of bed for bloody Maud Adams!

 

 

 

4. Maud Adams

Octopussy in Octopussy (1983) and Andrea Anders in The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)

Quick question: If you are going to pick a Bond girl to appear in two films, which one would you pick? Ursula Andress? Honor Blackman? Ok, so where did Maud Adams, the bland Swedish model-actress killed halfway through The Man With The Golden Gun, appear? Last? Yep, she was pretty much last on our list too. We just don’t get it. She isn’t even that attractive. Was she boning Roger Moore?

3. Karin Dor

Helga Brandt in You Only Live Twice (1967)

Quick note to Bond producers and casting directors: never pick a Bond girl that even the average Joe would hesitate over bedding. Seriously, even the red-blooded males at Hecklerspray Towers would need a couple of pints in us before we even thought lying back and thinking of England. She didn’t live long either. The piranhas gobbled her up faster than Bond did.

2. Denise Richards

Dr Christmas Jones in The World Is Not Enough (1999)

Casting Denise Richards as a nuclear physicist is possibly the worst decision ever. In fact, the whole point of her being in the film, apart from prancing around with just a flimsy top and hot pants, was the final pay off line. You know the one, something about ‘Christmas coming twice a year’ or something.

1. Tanya Roberts

Stacey Sutton in A View to A Kill (1985)

Isn’t it amazing that the worst Bond girls appear in the worst Bond film. Well, A View to A Kill Is the worst Bond film, and Tanya Roberts is the worst Bond girl of the lot. The former Charlie’s Angel spent most of the film screaming and whining in a really high-pitched voice. Oh, and we are supposed to believe she is a geologist. Yeah, right!

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Comments

  1. JJ says

    “Casted” is not a word. Also, Rosamund Pike and her strange, flat, face, Halle Berry and her crap acting and Teri Hatcher and her skanky scarecrowness should all be on the list.

  2. Blando says

    A View to a Kill is the bomb. Christopher Walken, Duran Duran theme song, Ski intro. Enough said.

  3. Rob says

    The chick in “The Spy Who Loved Me” was just as bad an actress as some and was downright nasty-looking. I love that movie but honestly, she almost killed it for me.

  4. says

    My first impression of Denise Richards in “The World Is Not Enough” was…

    WTF was Lara Croft doing in a Bond movie????

  5. Charles says

    I wouldn’t describe Bibi Dahl as a Bond girl… he was able to resist her underrage charms.

    How about the chick in License to Kill? She was god awful.

    A View To A Kill had all the classic components of a Bond film; I rate it high on my list.

  6. Orville says

    Wasn’t there a bond girl who later turned out to be a transvestite? “It” would have been the worst on my list.

  7. Jonesy says

    Jill St John wasnt very good in Diamonds Are Forever. She acted so dumb that she was annoying.

    Denise Richards is too hot to be on this list. I think she gets a bad rap for that part too. She’s no physicist, but she’s not dumb. No actress would be convincing in that part wearing short shorts with a bare midriiff.

  8. Robert says

    Oh, Lotte Lenya (“From Russia With Love”) had to have been the worst Bond girl. Depending on your definitions.

  9. Rob Delaney says

    That roger Moore “fvck it” scene is awesome! Never seen that before.

    re: russia with love: you philistines aren’t talking about Barbera Bach, are you? She’s lovely.

    I agree with JJ, for what it’s worth.

  10. RyanP says

    I don’t know what you’re smoking, or from where you pulled out that A View To A Kill is the worst Bond movie. In my opinion it’s the best Bond movie.

  11. Jack Tustin says

    well i think that Christmas Jones was the best bond girl ever!!!!
    i was so pleased they cast my faviourite actress denise richards
    whom ive bin mad about from the age of 10!!!! as a bond girl i thought she had all the qualities a bond girl should have and more!!!!!
    and still am mad about her i get my girlfrirend to re-enact scenes from the film to get me going

  12. Eros says

    Diamonds Are Forever is probably the shittiest Bond movie, and Jill St. John was absolutely awful. Bibi Dahl wasn’t a real Bond girl, just annoying and unnecessary. Moonraker and The Man With The Golden Gun sucked ass too, along with the leading ladies. These girls sucked at acting; they just had good bodies. Stacy Sutton in A View to a Kill was, along with that chick from License to Kill, one of the new “empowered” humorless 80s women. Oh, Lord, I almost forgot about Grace Jones. Eww. But at least Roger Moore and Christopher Walken try to redeem it. I liked Rosamund Pike and thought she was one of the most interesting Bond women since Natalya Simonova in Goldeneye.

  13. mst3kster says

    It’s rumored that in the upcoming “Quantum of Solace,” Blofeld’s criminally insane daughter, Blojob, will be played by Paris Hilton.

    You’ll then have to update your list to “Worst 8 Bond Girls.”

  14. Ralph says

    Don’t know what crack youre smoking but A View To a Kill was the best bond movie. Definately not the worst.

  15. Michael says

    Grace Jones was my favorite. Definitely the most strikingly beautiful. She is a goddess. Most of the bond girls look alike to me with the exception of a few.

  16. ___________ says

    Bibi wasn’t as annoying as people like to make her out to be. A character like Octopussy is subtle whereas Bibi is the polar opposite of that. Spunky and in-your-face. That being said i also seem to hate Christmas alot less than others. She’s definitely one of the worst but for god sakes she’s destroyed on each and every one of these lists.

  17. Sarah says

    you’re totally right about tonya roberts, worst ever bond girl, definitely. so annoying, helpless, annoying…watched a view to kill last night and was totally blown away by how much she sucked.

  18. Chris says

    LOL did I read this correctly?!?

    ‘Michael says:

    Grace Jones was my favorite. Definitely the most strikingly beautiful. She is a goddess.’

    Errrrmmmm.. each to their own, I guess?!?!? :S

    Oh and AVTAK is definitely not the worst Bond film. Ever seen Quantum of Solace? Never Say Never Again? Casino Royale (the David Niven one)?

  19. Mac says

    Denise Richards is no actress. A View to a Kill showed that even if you have those kinds of actors, it can still suck ass. Jill St John in Diamonds Are Forever… oh god, why couldn’t she be killed off. Halle Berry was just a wanne be of the girl from Dr No. Grace Jones was guly as hell and didn’t belong in a Bond film. All the women in The World is not Enough sucked as well.

    Izabella Scorupco from GoldenEye is one of the best “good” Bond girls and Famke Janssen (also from GoldenEye) was one of the best “bad” Bond girls. Thes two women were smart, sexy and tough. I would name more, but lets save that for a Best Bond girl list.

  20. Doc says

    Luckily I find Ursula Andress, Daniela Bianchi and Honor Blackman the worst but sort of useless and ungreat Bond girls ever in my opinion they weren’t that exciting and even lacked everything to watch I find from Sean Connery’s first three Bond films (1962-64) what a bomber.

  21. George says

    Lynn-Holly Johnson was not the bond girl in For Your Eyes Only, the lovely Carole Bouquet was the bond girl

  22. Matthew says

    Yes Licence to Kill is BY FAR the worst ever Bond movie that will EVER be. A boring storyline, an unhot Bond girl who looks like a tomboy, an underwater battle that has all the pace of snail on prozac and a stupid tanker chase at the end. Could it be any worse?

  23. Matthew says

    Not the best in my opinion, but Tanya Roberts is absolutely gorgeous. A damsel in distress waiting to be saved from the evil Zorin by her hero. Even her squeals and whining are cute…a bond girl doesn’t always have to be powerful and confident like Onatopp, Pussy Galore and Miranda Frost. It really depends on how she fits into the story-line and let’s face it, May Day took up most of the typical Bond girl action leaving Roberts to play the more homely, down-to-earth type of woman.

  24. Psycho says

    There were a few bad ones. Hot as she is, I’d have to say that Halle Berry was the very worst. Something about the short hair and the stupid, over-emphasized hip-walk-out-of-the-water just ruined it. She blew it.

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