World’s Soul Screams Unending Cry Of Agony As Blink-182 Reform

blink182God, why do you hate us so?

If we made a human body out of all the music ever written, then Beethoven, Mozart and that lot would be the brain. The strong right arm would be made out of bits of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath. The speedy legs would be stitched together from pieces of Napalm Death, Slayer and Crazy Frog.

We?d probably use U2 and Coldplay for the testicles.

And Blink-182? We?re seeing them as the long, black hair sticking out of that suspicious mole on our back, that keeps annoying us by getting snagged when we put our shirt on.

You remember Blink-182, right? They’re that band from a few years ago with the genuine, in yer face punk mentality three tits with tats.

On the scale of punk attitude – a scientific measure, which goes from the Sex Pistols and Ramones, through Green Day and right out to Ronan Keating – Blink-182? come in just below “Ambient Chillout Volume 14: Kittens Purring As They Are Stroked By A Little Girl“.

Back in 2005, anyone not being ravaged by the hormonal storm of adolescence was overjoyed by the news that Blink-182 had split up. There were street parties, free cake for all, and an international Day of Celebration was announced.

The last four years have been a beautiful time for music lovers, living free from the threat of sub-bubblegum-punk-pop-wank-rock with videos showing the craaazy Blink boys running naked through a city full of actors looking surprised. Though their naughty bits were blurred out: they may be wild punk anarcho-rockers but, y’know, their mums were going to see that.

Well, all good things must end. And apparently, shit things never do, they just keep going on and on despite literally the entire world begging them to stop. On Friday night, Blink-182 played live, and loved it so much they’ve decided to go on tour. With Weezer and Fall Out Boy as support.

We cannot conceive of a less appealing combination. If forced to choose, we would rather go see a show called ‘Yoko Ono Sings Ancient Polynesian Folksongs Accompanied By One Thousand Dental Drills And A Small Dog Being Kicked Around The Stage’.

Mark Hoppus, one of the hateful people responsible for making Blink-182’s music, released a heartfelt message of gratitude:

?Thanks to everyone who was there. Thanks to T-Mobile. And most of all, thanks to Travis and Tom.?

So there you go, Blink-182 fans. In the band?s mental listing of people who matter it?s THEM first obviously, then their corporate sponsors, then probably their sponsors? employees, the employee?s families, the employees? cats, a fella called Bob or Bill or Marcus they met once in a healthfood store he seemed like he?d be fun to have a drink with, then you lot.

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  1. Dec says

    FUCK YOU :)

    Blink 182 are an amazing band and your a complete retard who knows nothing about music…thats why you work for a shitty website.

  2. Shooty* says

    ARGH! Conflict of interest! On the one hand, I love Blink 182… on the other, I feel the need to take the piss out of Dec!

    Man, envidious position or what?

  3. Jackson says

    I bet u live with ur mother. Blink is the greatest band ever. And I like led zepplin. Fuck u and suck my dick

  4. HALO3 says

    its the end of the world as we know it

    on another note, get a life Dec – or at least some taste in music.
    Check out the sex pistols for real punk
    or the White Lies who are just F!@$&ng awesom

  5. Walter says

    It makes me laugh that you mentioned Zeppelin, the biggest con artists in the history of music. Say what you will about Blink 182, but at least they don’t go out of their way to rip off artists like Zeppelin did.

  6. Iain G says

    Did Blink chance music? No.
    Did they try to? No.

    They’re reasonably talented musicians who make music, which (sales figures show us) many people like. Does this make them ambassadors of music? Of coarse it doesn’t, but it doesn’t make them open bait for run-of-the-mill journalists who want to write an “off-the-cuff” article either.

    You mention “the band

  7. john m says

    Such hate for a band you have never actually listened to. You have most likley only heard the hits on the radio then started to bitch and moan that they didn’t sing about being raped by their dad or bitch about how much the world sucked. Blink 182 is a band that likes to have fun, they write some joke songs sure, but they also write songs like “Adams song” and “Stay together for the kids”. Is it a crime to write songs with catchy hooks? In my personal opinion these guys are the new Beach Boys and I don’t think thats a bad thing. Blink 182 is truly a great pop punk band and I hate to use that term “pop punk”, and those of you who like to use pop punk as a hate term just remember that The Ramones are the first pop punk group out there, and don’t tell me they don’t sing about the same shit Blink does. Think about that…I mean really think about that. Ramones, The Descendents, and yes blink 182 play the same kind of music. Like it or not Blink is a relevant band. I don’t know what kind of music you listen to, but I bet you dont enjoy any of it because you most likely have to critique everything instead of enjoying it, Enjoy a pointless life pretending your opinion actually matters…….Prick

  8. Mithaearon says

    Bah Give me real punk anyday! I do however like the pop catchyness of their tunes but like shooty do enjoy the piss take too.

    I would still prefer some real punk anyday though.

  9. Marley says

    Anyone who insults Blink insults millions of fans all over world.
    So from millions of people all over the world – Fuck You.
    Oh And Just Generally Piss Off. Thanks :)
    And Dec, You Are So Right. 😉

  10. Ironlung says

    “Check out the sex pistols for real punk”

    one question: do you have a blog and where do i subscribe?


  11. Shooty* says

    Those adverts are a total home goal. Lydon is a twat. I saw P.I.L. supporting James at Alton Towers many moons ago. They were awful: never seen so many bottles of piss being hurled at a stage. And I’ve seen L7 live too, so know about these things.

  12. halo3v says

    Thanks Ironlung. Its so much more fun to annoy/contribute here than to keep my own blog. Then I have to worry about weeding out humourless blokes on my blog, I’d rather let Stuart do that here!

    But I was thinking right after I posted, there are so many great punk bands, and it seems as though the sellouts are the ones who rake in the dough.
    For instance, The Clash never sold out, made amazing music that was meaningful and had a point, and didn’t need a half an album of filler (as in the case with 182)
    The Sex Pistols, to short a career and yet again, managed to tap into a “spirit” if you will that defined a movement. And never sold out.
    Green Day, tapped into the “spirit” of young americans being stiffled in suburbia, the result “Welcome to Paradise” is the most played song in my ipod. Poeple can accuse GD of selling out, but lets be fair, they signed a major label deal – not for the money or promotion, simply to get their music heard.

    I could go on and on, but I won’t.

    Again, there are so many humourless blokes out there, its sad really, that they all end up here, when it’s pretty obvious that they
    A. Do not understand satire
    B. Do not understand “snarkism”
    C. Live with the parents and ask them to buy their Blink 182 albums for them.
    What can you do?

  13. halo3v says

    John M states the obvious problem
    You are punk or pop – not both

  14. FUCK YOU says

    Hey you jerk.. im not a blink fan but i love music.. and what you just said is BULLSHIT… If you dont like a band, OKKAYYY no one is forcing you to listen to that band, let them be you jackass, and if its that bad why does it have millions of fans all around the world?? theyre defenetly doing something right.. You suck..

  15. HALO3V says

    doing something right as in making crappy music that gets played ENDLESSLY
    No that’s doing something wrong!

  16. blinkrulz says

    first off, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO SPEW SHIT LIKE THAT ABOUT blink-182! ALL WHO HAVE CRITICIZED ARE WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT! FUCK ALL OF YOU! blink-182 has been around forever. they had some disputes, and had broken-up for a while, but guess what? THEY’RE BACK BITCH! so all you worthless bitches who are upset about the greatest band ever reuniting and talking about their sponsors and their friendships with one-another, GO TO HELL! Just because they give shout-outs to each other and thank each other for playing together, doesn’t mean they’re a bad band. IT MEANS THEY SUPPORT EACH OTHER! THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO AND THEY ARE ALL GOOD FRIENDS! and even if they talk about themselves, THEY DESERVE TO! haven’t you ever been proud of yourself for doing something in your life (even though you put-down blink-182 so you have obviously never had anything to be proud of because you are a DICK!)? oh, and one more thing… halo3v, first off, STOP USING YOUR GAY X-BOX GAMES AS NAMES! and blink-182 is the BEST BAND EVER! SO STOP BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT HOW “COOL” ALL THESE OTHER BANDS ARE JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO COVER-UP THE AMAZINGNESS OF blink-182! YOU CAN GO TO HELL! YOU DICK SHIT! in the words of blink-182, “SHIT PISS FUCK CUNT COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER TITS FART TURD & TWAT, I FUCKED YOUR MOM!”

    (oh, and i know you’re gunna bitch back to this, so don’t even bother, cocksucker!)

  17. mark&tomforever says

    What is WRONG WITH YOU? Blink-182 is an amazing band. Blink FOREVER! If you have nothing better to do than slam the best band ever, then you need therapy.