If finding the illegallest rapper could be decided with an 8 Mile-style rap battle, then the predicament that Busta Rhymes is currently in would have the crowd so excited that they'd start pretending to fire guns in the air with their fingers and stuff.
That's because Busta Rhymes is about to go to court four different times for apparently being illegal in four different ways – beating up someone who spat on his car, beating up someone who he employed, driving on a suspended licence and driving drunk with unusually tinted windows. And since a judge has refused to consolidate these charges into one trial, you'd think that Busta Rhymes would be dreading all the court appearances he's due to make – but not so. In fact, Busta Rhymes is thrilled, since four trials means that there'll be four times the amount of adjournments where he can nip out to his car and record enough pop-song guest-raps to cover all four of his probable jail sentences.
Busta Rhymes' career can be broken down into several distinct phases. There was the rapping phase, where Busta Rhymes' natural exuberance, lightning fast delivery and ability to shout the word 'Flipmode' more times than anyone else ever brought him to public attention. Then there was the acting phase, where Busta Rhymes decided that starring in forgotten Sean Connery films and doing voices on The Rugrats Movie was probably the best way to cement his gangsta status. And now there's the criminal phase, which some could argue has been Busta Rhymes' most successful phase.
Ever since Busta Rhymes saw his bodyguard get murdered at a video shoot last year, he's been fighting a losing battle with the NYPD. Well, depending on your viewpoint Busta Rhymes has either been fighting a losing battle with the NYPD or he's been doing a string of stupidly illegal things that the NYPD has rightly arrested him for. Busta Rhymes' litany of alleged wrongdoings have included an assault arrest for beating up a man who spat on his car, an assault arrest for beating up his driver when the driver asked for wages he was due so he could buy his family Christmas presents, a drink driving arrest and another arrest for driving on a suspended licence.
Although Busta Rhymes seemed to think than an appropriate punishment for all this would be to rap at some children for a while, the judge overseeing the whole mess decided that a year in jail for both assault arrests combined would be more fitting. But Busta Rhymes turned the plea deal down and that's where we are now – with a judge ruling that Busta Rhymes is going to have to face four separate trials, one for each of his charges. Weirdly, though, that's what Busta Rhymes wants, as USA Today reports:
Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Larry Stephen on Tuesday denied the prosecution's motion to consolidate the two assault charges against Rhymes… "The two assault cases cannot be consolidated," said Rhymes' lawyer, Scott Leemon. "The decision today validated Busta's defenses to the assault cases. We detailed to the court that we have defense to these cases and the court agreed."
It makes sense – by not consolidating the assault charges, Busta Rhymes gets to defend each case on its own merit – plus if a single jury heard about all the times that Busta Rhymes was claimed to have got a bit assaulty, they'd probably become so fearful of mankind that they'd never sleep again.
It's a risk, of course – if Busta Rhymes is found guilty of everything separately, his total sentence might be longer than if he'd been to just one trial – but it's a risk that Busta Rhymes is taking nonetheless. Regardless of the outcome of his trials – scheduled to start in September – at least all this courtroom experience will give Busta Rhymes something more profound to say than "I love my chick" on his next single. Perhaps "I don't really love prison food."
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