Will Smith Not No Scientology-Loving Scientologist
Then buzz it up
March 19th, 2008 at 14:45 by Shawn Lindseth
Hecklerspray was raised in a very stern Jewish home for three months as a child. But then our mother got dumped by her Hasidic rabbi boyfriend and we found ourself at our Uncle's house, where apparently the only thing even faintly religious was Sunday morning Baywatch re-runs.
That was fine until we'd seen them all. Twice.
Then our mother started dating a midget that swore up and down he was the lower half of L. Ron Hubbard, and that the Scientology founder had never been anything more than he and his twin brother strolling around stacked under a trench coat twice their size. He radiated alien germs off us at a thirty percent discount, which we thought was really pretty good of him. Thanks for that, Almonzo.
That experience really helps us relate to Will Smith's current dilemma. He's not a Scientologist, but he loves them dearly, the way we love L Ron Hubbard's bottom half dearly.
Hang on while we find a way to reword that last bit
Will Smith has really dug a pit for himself now. It seems he's babbled on about Scientology so much people are starting to think he's been swung over that way. But the thing is he hasn't. He's never taken the Scientologist's obligatory couch jump on any of Oprah Winfrey's 2000 fine television programmes, and he's never been denied any kind of religious tax exempt status by a very strict federal government. Really, there's not a Scientologist-ish thing about him.
Some argue that though. Some say Smith is the most Scientologist-ish person who has ever lived, save Xenu himself. Those same people say that since Xenu lived so many galaxies away he shouldn't really count towards this category. Plus he's frozen now or something, possibly in his planet's version of Northern Maine. Right near a highway.
But William Smith wants everyone to know once and for all he's not a Hubbard-ite. And he tells them so like this:
"You don't have to be Jewish to be a friend of Steven Spielberg. You don't have to be a Muslim to be a friend of Muhammad Ali. And you don't have to be a Scientologist to be a friend of Tom Cruise. I am a Christian. I am a student of all religions. And I respect all people and all paths."
Well we wish we'd known that because, quite frankly, last time we were at Ali's house we spent about two hours too long talking about the shiny-factor of the Dome of the Rock. Honestly Muhammad, the sun glints like that off all metallic roofs.
As if Smith's adamant denial is a touch too vague, a Smith-slave issued this statement to drive things home:
"As Will Smith's publicist I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that Will is not a Scientologist."
But notice he didn't say 110 percent, which implies just a little less certainty then we're comfortable with. Somebody go check the D section of the Smith family personal library.
Read More:
Radar Didn't Call Will Smith A Scientologist - Radar Online
Related and recent:
- Will Smith’s School Not Scientologist, Despite Everyone Saying So
- Has Scientology Got Will Smith By The Nutsack?
- VIDEO: John Travolta Outed By Ex-Scientologist Bloke
- Bloody Hell Tom Cruise: Scientologist, You’re Quite Odd
- Tom Cruise Not Thrilled About Oddball Scientology Leak
- Will Smith Takes On Scientology Haters For Tom Cruise
- Hancock Pushes Weekend Box Office’s Head Up A Man’s Bum
- Jennifer Lopez Wicked Loves Scientology
March 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I can’t really see Will Smith’s personal library including much more than the novelization of all his movies plus the liner notes from a couple of his CD’s.
March 19th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Why do you care about some celebrity’s religious beliefs? This is ridiculous. It’s bad enough that people are bashing Tom Cruise for being a Scientologist. Now they’re bashing Will Smith because he MIGHT be one?
What the fuck happened to religious freedom in this country? If we’re so damn intolerant, why contiune pretending that we don’t care and end religious freedom once and for all? At least we would stop acting like a bunch of damn hypocrites.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Not trying to drag a well written satirical article to seriousness, but if you feel that way Rosie I highly suggest you check out the website:
http://www.exscientologykids.com/
There is more to Scientology than Xenu and harmless coach jumping
March 19th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
which country?
Oh. That center-of-the-fucking-universe one. Right.
sorry to hear that whole freedom thing
is proving more difficult than you imagined.
why not just live a life steeped in indignation -
clearly that will set you free
March 19th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Too bad that the horror stories on the “Ex-Scientology Kids” website consist almost entirely of anonymous reports with no chain of evidence.
If even a tenth of those stories were real, there would be a massive U.S. congressional investigation on Scientology shutting them down so fast it’d make your head swim. But that doesn’t seem to be happening. Funny how all these controversies only seem to exist on the internet, isn’t it?
The last resort of those who have a grudge against a religion but can’t prove any of their allegations in court is to make some big scary website with lots of nebulous, unverifiable claims.
March 20th, 2008 at 3:23 am
well elizabeth what about operation snow white and operation freakout
actually what the fuck am i doing you are just some stupid untrainable cunt whose caretaker forgot to activate netnanny
go the fuck away
March 20th, 2008 at 7:10 am
Gir, why are you still on this site?
The rest of us have moved on to greener and more numerate pastures…
JBollocks
March 30th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
User “Elizabeth Stride” has systematically sought out every blog covering the creation of the Ex-Scientology Kids support group community and called their credibility into question. They offer no evidence for their assertion that the site is fake but the amount of effort to make sure they post the same comment seen here everywhere they can.
You can see just a few examples “her” other work here:
http://www.keepitlegit.com/2008/03/ex-scientology-kids.html
http://www.thefutonponcho.com/2008/03/05/scientology-fraud-exposed-ex-scientology-kids-speak/
http://www.benedictionblogson.com/page/14/
Staff of Co$? Member of OSA? You decide. Certainly not the workings of a rational person casually questioning the legitimacy of a website. Just another reminder of how totally crazy these people are.