To quote one of her own bellowed-out power ballads, didn’t Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have it all?

Obviously by ‘it all’ we meant an out-of-control drug addiction, outbursts of domestic abuse, the worst reality TV show in history and a mutual love of manually removing constipated husks of turd out of the rectums of their loved ones with their fingers? Didn’t Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown almost have that?

Well, yes. Yes they did. But that’s all in the past now. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown definitely aren’t getting back together, no matter how many reports you hear to the contrary. And that denial doesn’t just come from Whitney Houston, but all the imaginary demons she allegedly used to see during her gigantic crack binges as well. So, you know, it must be true.

Whitney Houston’s life has really taken off since she divorced Bobby Brown just over a year ago. Not only has she been hard at work recording her big comeback album and making herself look as completely unrecognisable as possible for said album’s artwork, but she’s also now free to date other men like, say, Osama bin Laden if she wants.

Yes, it looks like Whitney Houston has really managed to beat the odds and pull off what could be one of pop’s biggest-ever comebacks. The only thing she needs to do to stop her professional relaunch from becoming a hideous trainwreck of epic proportions is to stay away from Bobby Brown. That’s literally all. Whitney Houston needs to stay away from Bobby Brown.

So, needless to say, Whitney Houston was seen enjoying an intimate dinner in Georgia recently with, you guessed it, Bobby Brown.

Except she wasn’t. Or at least she says she wasn’t. Despite several reports to the contrary, Whitney Houston has firmly denied that she’s getting back together with Bobby Brown at all, because even she’s not that stupid. E! Online reports:

The 45-year-old singer’s publicist has issued a statement seeking to put to rest rumors of a romantic reunion between the formerly tumultuous lovebirds. Nancy Seltzer called a report in Wednesday’s Chicago Sun-Times “a complete fabrication.” The article said Houston and Brown, who divorced in April 2007, were seen in Georgia enjoying an intimate dinner.

It’s bittersweet news for us. Initially it seems like a good thing that Whitney Houston has denied rekindling her self-destructive relationship with Bobby Brown, but is it? After all, Bobby Brown was always there to keep Whitney Houston in check, either by clearing out her blocked-up colon with his fingers or by allegedly beating her up a little bit when she looked at him funny or whatever.

But let’s take Whitney Houston at her word – if she says she’s not getting back with Bobby Brown, then we have no choice but to believe that. Anyway, rumour has it that Whitney Houston has moved on from Brown anyway, and is currently enjoying the romantic attention of Ray J, the man most famous for being the male star of the Kim Kardashian sex tape.

So congratulations Whitney, that’s really a… um, what’s the word for when you think you’re getting an upgrade for something when really you’re just getting the same defective product repackaged differently? Anyway, that.

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