Which Godawful Song Will Be Christmas Number One?

Ah, the spirit of Christmas. Mince pies, midday hangovers and soul-sapping depression at the very thought of yet another year being on the horizon.

And - of course - the added joy of a song that nobody likes riding to the top of the charts like a novelty speedway-driving monkey.

The question is: what song will be Christmas Number One this year? And will you be able to hear it more than two times without wanting to slash your wrists within thirty-five milliseconds of the opening chords?

hecklerspray will undoubtedly be offering you Christmas Number One betting odds nearer to the time - thereby granting you the gift of the sole way that you can salvage this miserable situation and perhaps net yourself a little cash.

In the meantime, you’ll have to listen to advice from bookmaker-types William Hill and music-retail behemoth HMV - who are placing their respective stakes on The Choirboy’s rendition of Eric Clapton’s Tears In Heaven and Westlife (feat. Diana Ross) with When You Tell Me That You Love Me.

A HMV singles buyer explained his wibbly-wobbly premonition thus:

"The charts can be fairly predictable these days. But the one time you just don’t know what’s going to happen is at Christmas. Often there’s a novelty hit that comes out of the blue or a big charity release, and sometimes there’s a really hot new boy band or girl group that’s pretty unstoppable. HMV thinks The Choirboys could be this year’s Christmas sensations, and odds of 12-1 look an excellent-value bet."

Apparently this year’s Christmas countdown is something special, as it represents the first year since 1994 that the Number One result has been announced on December 25th itself. Last time this happened, the top slot was taken by Walthamstow simpletons East 17 and their stomach-churning ‘ballad’ Stay Another Day.

Don’t think that a song equally as awful could straddle the charts this year? Really? Well, take a look at the artists in the running…

Tony Christie, G4 featuring Robin Gibb, Girls Aloud, Mariah Carey, Crazy Frog and Coldplay.

"Hello? Santa? One plastic bag and a bottle of sleeping pills, please…"

Read More:

Christmas Number One Hard To Judge - Yahoo!

[story by C J Davies]