Listen, it shouldn’t be news to any of you that I think the real Kylie Jenner is dead or in hiding or a dude now or whatever, and that the Kylie Jenner we’re being given is Kylie 2.0, her more ‘tv hot’ replacement a la New Becky on Roseanne.
However, since the appearance of Kylie 2.0 in like, early 2015, Kris Jenner seems to doing yearly upgrades to her like she’s a damn iPhone, and Kylie…I guess 4.0 now? is looking kind of weird. Like, this newest upgrade is giving me Maureen Pondarosa once she became a cat with breast implants vibes (that joke is probably only funny is you watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which you should! It’s hilarious!)
So, just for a run down, because I clearly live for this shit, here is the original Kylie circa 2014:
Total cutie, right? I miss her, and someday I will find justice for her. Anyway, here is Kylie 2.0, the remodel that Kris Jenner released in early 2015:
I know, I know, I don’t get how those pictures are a year apart either. Anyway, last year, we were given another remodel, Kylie 3.0:
And now, in 2017, we’ve been presented with this, Kylie 4.0:
This one has bigger breasts and hips to really fit with that Kardashian aesthetic, so ok, but it’s really not her bod I’m concerned about. Like get all the implants you want, girl. No, what got me shook is whatever is going on with her face these days. I saw pics of her at New York Fashion Week this weekend, and something just didn’t seem right.
I mean, she’s a pretty girl, but doesn’t she kind of remind you of somebody…
I mean, she’s really starting to give me some early Jocelyn Wildenstein vibes. You know, the lady who was obsessed with looking like a cat? Which is weird, because I thought new Kylie was a dog person?
Seriously, here’s Maureen Ponderosa and her new cat face and breast implants and TELL ME she doesn’t give you Kylie Jenner vibes!!!
Don’t get me wrong, I do think Kylie is a pretty girl, I always have even through every upgrade, but her face is literally starting to look like it…hurts? Like if she gave too big of a smile something might actually tear. That is no way for a 19-year-old girl to live her life! As always, I am praying for Kylie, however, if Kylie 5.0 turns out to be a legit cat person, please do not be surprised because my prophecy is REAL.