Are you a Lindsay Lohan fan who’s grown tired of her antics? Bored with the same old downward spiral? Hoping for another actress to whose self-destructive, spray-tanned star you can hitch your schadenfreude wagon? My friends, I give you Amanda Bynes.
Amanda Bynes has had yet another hit-and-run incident this month, bringing her grand total of hit-and-runs this year to three. Adding to that her DUI arrest four months ago (see adjacent mug shot), her recent disheveled appearance, and bizarre activity on Twitter (more on that later), one has to wonder if the once-perky Bynes has bought a one-way ticket to Lindsay Lohanville, population I GIVE UP.
To figure out what in the hot Hollywood hell is going on with Amanda these days, I think we need to back up and take a good look at who she is and how she got here.
Amanda was born in California to two regular, non-famous parents (well, her dad was a stand-up comedian in addition to being a dentist, but I am willing to look the other way on that; I can only imagine how many “Incisor? I hardly know ‘er!” jokes were involved). The youngest of three children, Bynes began acting professionally at age seven, and…well, I think we can stop there. She was a child actor. And if the entertainment industry has taught us anything, it’s that child actors often end up with their lives in the shitter.
The thing is, Amanda went so long without even a hint of dysfunction–the girl practically oozed promise rings and early curfews. By all accounts, she seemed completely untouched by Hollywood, and came across in movies and interviews as a girl who could just as easily be your best friend as she could star alongside Colin Firth.
Amanda’s last major motion picture was Easy A with Emma Stone, which was released in September 2010. It seems as though Bynes started to unravel sometime between the filming and release of Easy A, if her Twitter feed is any indication. Check out this sequence of tweets from June 2010:
Yes, young Amanda went from a really bizarre FYI to complete and total career retirement in six fell tweets. That has to be some sort of record. I also don’t really understand her beef with “act[ing] like the characters the producers or directors wanted [her] to play” (I’m not a professional, but…isn’t that what acting is?), but I suppose it doesn’t really matter at this point: Amanda meant what she said about retiring and hasn’t worked since.
Something worth noting, though, is that Amanda did a sexy shoot for Maxim magazine shortly before retiring. She said the resulting photographs were just “who I am.”
It seems pretty clear to me that Amanda was starting to realize that she was her own person/feeling a bit resentful of the mold she’d been forced(?) into since the tender age of seven. And that’s normal! Healthy, even! But then…the car accidents started: three hit-and-runs and a DUI arrest in 2012 (and it’s only August, damn!) have got us all wondering what the hell has happened to Amanda and, for Pete’s sake, WHY IS SHE SUCH A TERRIBLE DRIVER?!
It’s clear that Amanda’s got a rapidly-deteriorating case of the Lohans, especially when you consider the fact that (buckle up), she actually had the wildly delusional balls to TWEET U.S. PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA and ASK HIM TO FIRE THE OFFICER WHO GAVE HER THE DUI:
I’ll just give that a moment to set in.
Honestly, I’m a little worried for what we’re going to hear next from the Bynes files. It sounds to me like there are definitely some…substances floating around the situation, with a generous dash of unbalanced defiance. While Amanda never came across as the next generation’s Meryl Streep (maybe she just hasn’t had an opportunity to really shine?), she doesn’t deserve a wicked downfall. Get well, Amanda, OK? You don’t have to come back, but you don’t have to hit rock bottom either.