Girls, I don’t want to alarm you but our cover has been blown. Someone has spilled the beans on how we actually get ready for a night out. ABORT MISSION.
The perpetrators are none other than Smirnoff Ice, whose new video “Straight Primpin” has exposed the closely-guarded secret of exactly why girls always take so long to get ready for a night out. We’re busy making novelty rap videos to put on the internet and rolling around in cheese.
Let me tell you, it’s a pain in the ass trying to find a trendy loft with an exposed brick wall and freight elevator, but have you ever tried getting ready in a two-bedroomed semi? It’s just not the same.
It’s not much fun trying to find a cute pomeranian to kidnap either. They sure can bite. But hey, the pre-party sets up the mood for the entire night, you can’t do anything by half-measures.
I bet you thought ‘rolling in cheese’ was a metaphor. Pfft, you amateur. Check your local deli for any special deals they have on, but make sure you stay away from the Camembert, that stain is a nightmare to get out of a dress.
Once you’ve frolicked among the dairy, it’s time to stage an intervention with one of your friends. It’s a law of physics that there must always be one person whose cyber-stalking is getting out of control. If you think there’s no one like that in your group, then it’s probably you. Put down the phone.
Oh, and holding auditions is also a great way to make sure there’s someone to go all Beyonce on vocals. No half measures, remember. When it comes to remembering whose cup is whose, a good tip is to just drink straight from the bottle.
Finally, remember not to include the part where you change outfits four more times, cry in the bathroom about how your hair won’t stay curly, and then vomit in a neighbour’s plant pot after deciding that maybe a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ wasn’t such a good idea.
That’s not cute.
This post is sponsored by Smirnoff Ice