What? Adam Lambert Is Gay? How Is That Even Possible?

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Adam Lambert, Adam Lambert Gay, Rolling Stone, American IdolOK, that’s it. Adam Lambert has had enough of the speculation. He’s going to put an end to this right now.

For weeks, Adam Lambert has been forced to endure all kinds of unwanted media speculation over his sexuality. And now he’s reached the end of his tether. Nobody should suffer the torment he’s been put through. And that’s why, on the cover of Rolling Stone, Adam Lambert has stated once and for all that he definitely isn’t gay.

Wait, what? Adam Lambert said he is gay? Really? But that doesn’t make any sense! His nail varnish is so masculine!

Just a hunch here, but we have a feeling that the next issue of Rolling Stone is going to feature a bear on the cover, along with the headline ‘Hey, I Just Did This Excellent Crap! Over There, In The Woods! Look, It’s Next To My Friend The Pope! He’s A Catholic! Did You Know That?’

Why? Because Rolling Stone has just officially outed Adam Lambert as a gay man. Let’s get straight to the quote, shall we? Adam Lambert told Rolling Stone:

“I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay. Right after the finale, I almost started talking about it to the reporters, but I thought, ‘I’m going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler. I didn’t want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bullshit. I need to be able to explain myself in context. I’m proud of my sexuality. It’s just another part of me.”

Now, yes, look, congratulations to Adam Lambert for having the guts to stand up and out himself on his own terms like that, but we can’t help feeling that he’s making a terrible mistake here.

What set Adam Lambert apart from his American Idol counterparts was his aura of mystery. Was he gay? Was he straight? Sure, he might have already been outed once and he’s openly got a boyfriend and any fool with the internet can easily access pictures of him kissing boys with tongues and everything he’s ever done, said or thought in public has been unquestionably informed by the fact that he’s a gay man – but who could really say for sure, huh?

We suppose what annoys us most about Adam Lambert’s admission that he’s gay is that it’s in direct violation of rock star tradition. Everybody knows that before a singer can admit to being gay he first needs to first 1) embark upon an awkward, loveless marriage with a female employee, 2) record a zany duet with Kiki Dee and then 3) hint at his homosexuality by claiming that, rather than seeing people as gay or straight, he prefers to think of human sexuality as a sliding scale of endless permutations.

What we’re trying to say is that Adam Lambert has gypped us out of his zany duet with Kiki Dee. And we’re not sure that we’ll be able to forgive him for that.

It now remains to be seen whether or not Adam Lambert’s gay admission will affect his level of fame. To be honest, we can’t see it happening – it doesn’t matter what he does, to us Adam Lambert will always be that bloke who couldn’t even win American Idol. And long may he reign.

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Comments

  1. CC7 says

    Mr. Heritage: What set Adam Lambert apart from his American Idol counterparts was NOT his aura of mystery, it was his TALENT.
    Beside him, all other contestants looked like a bunch of amateurs.

  2. roxanne says

    Was a one man show. Seriously never noticed Kris until top 5, would have said his competiton would have come from Allison or Danny or even Matt. But all of them were like guest artists on his show. Once he performed the night was over. Nothing to look forward to or nothing could compare.

  3. wiccangirl2009 says

    Go Adam! Finally, people should stop wondering about your sexuality (as if it matters to me). Adam showed his sexuality via photos of him kissing a man, holding hand with drake but there are people who still want their pound of flesh. They still want him to say it. (Personally, i wanted him to just show it rather than say but hey what every Adam wants i am fine with it.)

    Now its out SO WHAT! I still believe in him and love him and will continue to support him. He is still a hottie!! Now that it is officially out, let’s see if America will react and proved that it is indeed a homophobic nation. (Personally, i hope not but reading some other entries online does point to that direction.)?

    I salute you Adam. Just concentrate on your music and you will do well. You fans (like me) will continue to love you and support you. You will be big especially in Europe and Asia. GO GLAMBERT!!!

    Another thing – haters should just go away. If you have nothing nice to say don’t say it. Keep it to yourself.

  4. Attention fellow aliens says

    ETA: In fear of attracting the wrong crowd…please, do join if you want to worship the motherfcuking post-glam god (and Co.) but none of that embarrassing “I am a 90 year old mother of 12 and I have not felt like this since Elvis!!” Aiken-esque BS, thanks. With all due respect and all.

  5. Heckler says

    Love this site but sometimes, you try a little too hard to sound sarcastic and ‘we don’t care’-cool and instead come across unfunny. ‘Course the point of this site is to keep that much-needed snarky balance in the world but it doesn’t always work.

    Take this for example. I’m sure you meant it ironically but it came across a tad ignorant. Won’t hold it against you ;) Assuming you haven’t seen the actual article yet. The full scans are up today.

    “Everybody knows that before a singer can admit to being gay he first needs to first 1) embark upon an awkward, loveless marriage with a female employee, 2) record a zany duet with Kiki Dee and then 3) hint at his homosexuality by claiming that, rather than seeing people as gay or straight, he prefers to think of human sexuality as a sliding scale of endless permutations.”

    Dude didn’t live his life so he would one day in future be ‘accepted’ by RS and rockstar tradition. He’s had a colourful life, fact. The fact that he never, ever lies unless it’s to protect someone has gotten him in trouble too many times. He’s refreshingly honest, open, candid, talkative, sassy, unfiltered. If you watch his interviews, it’s also pretty obvious he genuinely finds flirting with all sexes exciting AND it’s also clear he has a high sex drive.

    A few quotes from the article:

    “Discrimination, though it’s usually minor, is a fact of his life: Just the other day an American Idol chauffeur told him that he had no problem with him, “because at least you’re not girly.” Lambert shudders. “Man, it’s so ignorant,” he says. “Why can’t some men have
    strong feminine sides? Does that make them less of a man? I don’t know why our society has such an emphasis on masculinity and femininity. On the other hand, Lambert doesn’t want to be the poster child for gay rights. “I’m trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader,” he says. He’s uncomfortable with some of the ways gay culture has evolved. Middle America may think what I am is gay but here in Hollywood, gay guys are all about trying to fit in – they’re obsessed with LOOKING AND ACTING HETERO,” he says. Clay Aiken’s gay, and I’m gay and we couldn’t be more different. The only thing that’s the same about everyone in the gay community is that we’re gay. Do we have anything in common besides the fact that we like dick? Why can’t we just talk about a human community?”

    Continued: http://community.livejournal.com/ontd_ai/380050.html

    & from the outtakes:

    “There are so many old-fashioned ways of looking at things, and if we want to be a progressive society, we have to start thinking in a different way. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder all the time, thinking I have to hide, being scared of being found out, putting on a front, having a beard, going down the red carpet with some chick who is posing as my girlfriend. That’s not cool, that’s not being a rock star. I can’t do that.”

  6. Alakalid says

    i find some gay people (not all) arrogant as fuck. You talk bad about christians or religious people or scientist or whatever crap and judge everyone else and expect us to give you stuff on a silver platter. Please. In some countries (3rd world) you will be lucky to survive for being an American-pie lover. lol. that’s fkin true.

  7. Leigh says

    Hallelujah to that comment. So sick of snarky stuff about someone who’s accomplished so much from those who’ve done so little. Thanks

  8. Alakalid's other brain cell says

    I find some straight people (not all) arrogant as fuck. You call people fags, and beat them up at school, and then expect gay people to slave away designing interiors, playing american football or writing sitcoms all the while paying taxes so that your cerebrally- challenged spawn can be kept in man made fibres and high fructose corn syrup. In some countries you would be made to go to school and take some fucking exercise, you execrable human being.

    Just a thought.

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