Such is the rapid and worrying rise of the machines, that this week’s big hit at the pictures is completely animated, in a computer sense. That means that it was crafted by a gaggle of dweeboids in woolen Christmas jumpers, who are now more powerful than Jennifer Lopez and Guy Ritchie put together.
This weekend alone, a high pitched squeal of celebrating techno-whizzkids could be heard echoing about the splendid hills of Hollywood, making it rather hard for proven actors to concentrate on servicing whichever downtrodden groupie had lowered their self-esteem enough to become just another glue-like splatter on a massive custom-made bedpost. Because, that’s right, topping the US box office charts is Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs – a computerised tale of an inventor turning water into food. A bit like Jesus, but with burgers.Aimed at children, or adults who like cartoons, the movie combines the wonderous talents of Bill Hader, who was the second funniest police officer in Superbad – the Judd Apatow high school romp starring the fatty white-fro one, and thingy from Arrested Development. And James Caan, who once had it all, back in the days when he was in films starring actual people, like The Godfather and Misery. Great times, those. Really great times.
Here’s the US weekend box office top five…
1 - Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (Computer animated stuff that it’s probably alright for you to like. Because you liked Shrek didn’t you? Hilarious green monster, that Shrek. And how about that Donkey! Oh God, that Donkey! He reminded you of Eddie Murphy, didn’t he?) $8, 100, 000
2 - The Informant! (A Matt Damon COMEDY. We know it’s a comedy, because of the massive exclamation mark in the title. Without it, we’d be totally in the dark. So thanks for that!!!!) $3, 665, 000
3 - Tyler Perry’s I Can Do Bad All By Myself (An alcoholic is forced to become responsible… or something. This used to be a popular play amongst people who like watching popular plays) $3, 100, 000
4 - Love Happens (The latest Jennifer Aniston vehicle finds her playing a wise-cracking desperado who only wants to be loved but can’t quite find the right guy. The sequel stars Angelina Jolie really messing with her shiz) $3, 084, 000
5 - Jennifer’s Body (Jennifer’s body is actually Megan Fox’s body. Sweet Baby Moses, she’s got a great bod, that Megan Fox. And a fine mind. A really fine mind. We know that because she has Shakespeare tattooed onto her shoulder. As in, like, William Shakespeare. She’s a brainiac, make no mistake about that) $2, 800, 000
For more from Josh, visit Interestment. It’s beautiful.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
