Well look at that. Shutter Island is the new number one movie at the weekend box office. Why? Funny you should ask.
We happen to have a theory. Shutter Island is an uncompromisingly terrifying psychological thriller, the sort of thing that audiences need to be warmed up for. So would Shutter Island still be the number one movie at the weekend box office if moviegoers hadn’t been subjected to the relentless, nightmarish terror of Valentine’s Day a week earlier? Almost definitely not.
We were also going to say that audiences were softened up to the baldy shush woman in Shutter Island by watching Ashton Kutcher‘s face in Valentine’s Day. But that would be needlessly cruel, so we’ll just think it instead.
Shutter Island is the top film at the US weekend box office, and it’s not hard to see why. After all, it’s not every day that the mighty Martin Scorsese teams up with an actor as charismatic as Leonardo DiCaprio… actually, no, scrap that – it is every day that the mighty Martin Scorsese teams up with an actor as charismatic as Leonardo DiCaprio. Sorry.
Anyway, here’s the US weekend box office top five…
1 – Shutter Island (Unfortunately, it would seem as if Shutter Island is quite good. That’s a disappointment, because we had all kinds of puns ready if it turned out to be awful. Shitter Island. Shithouse Island. Shit Off Island. And now we can’t use them. Screw you Martin Scorsese, you arsehole) $40,200,000
2 – Valentine’s Day (Still packing out cinemas, even though it isn’t actually Valentine’s day any more. That means that people aren’t being guilted into seeing this by their girlfriends. This means that people are stupider than we thought. And we already thought they were kind of stupid already) $17,160,000
3 – Avatar (OK, really now, that’s enough. Last week hecklerspray received its first comment in Na’vi. If that isn’t a sign that Avatar has been in cinemas for long enough, we don’t know what is. No joke here, just a sincere plea from the bottom of our hearts) $16,100,000
4 – Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (The problem with this film, of course, is that it assumes that the act of thieving lightning is an intrinsically bad thing. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Lightning is rubbish. If you ask us, more people should try and steal it. Percy Jackson’s a divvy. That’s right – a divvy) $15,300,000
5 – The Wolfman (A film about a werewolf who isn’t 16 years old, doesn’t have a confusing predisposition for hair gel and often wears shirts out of choice. No wonder it’s done so badly. Get with the programme, grandpa!) $9,846,000
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pae says
I think the beauty of the entire movie is you don