This edition of the weekend box office was supposed to be all about Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the Judd Apatow comedy that stars Russell Brand and some bloke’s todger.

But, oddly enough, Forgetting Sarah Marshall isn’t number one at the US weekend box office this week. That plaudit goes to The Forbidden Kingdom, a movie starring Jackie Chan, Jet Li and the second-weediest kid from the last series of 24.

What does The Forbidden Kingdom’s weekend box office triumph over Forgetting Sarah Marshall tell us about the state of modern cinema? Is it that audiences still aren’t accustomed to seeing penises in their movies? Is it that the thrill of seeing cinema’s greatest living kung-fu artists in the same movie overpowers everything else? No. It’s that people would rather watch two old men kicking each other than Russell Brand in anything.

The Forbidden Kingdom is the number one movie in this week’s weekend box office. But The Forbidden Kingdom didn’t just beat the new Judd Apatow movie to the top spot – it also beat Al Pacino’s new movie 88 Minutes. If only Al Pacino had the foresight to make a horrible cheap-looking Woolworths ad right before the movie came out, maybe we’d be looking at a totally different story altogether.

Here’s this week’s US weekend box office top five…

1 – The Forbidden Kingdom (The success of the mostly-serious, Asian-set The Forbidden Kingdom might just open up a new chapter of Jackie Chan’s western career after his recent descent into gormless kid’s movies. Let’s just check IMDb to see what his next film is. What’s that? Kung-Fu Panda? Oh, OK, never mind) $20,870,000

2 - Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Without the number one weekend box office movie that he was all but guaranteed, it looks as though Russell Brand’s big conquering of America will have to wait until his next movie. Let’s just check IMDb to see what that movie is. What’s that? An Adam Sandler film about a magical storybook? Oh, OK, never mind) $17,348,000

3 - Prom Night (Prom Night’s still in the weekend box office top three? Wow, there really is money in this Jamie Lee Curtis revival scene after all. There is hope for our watered-down, piss-weak slasher rewrite of My Girl after all!) $9,100,000

4 - 88 Minutes (Someone tells Al Pacino he has 88 minutes left to live. Oddly enough, Al Pacino doesn’t spend those 88 minutes weeping and pleading with God to forgive him for Ocean’s Thirteen. It’s what we would have done) $6,800,000

5 - Nim’s Island (Is it wrong that we actually wouldn’t mind watching Nim’s Island? Is it? Does that make us bad people? Oh, who are we kidding? Of course it does. We apologise) $5,650,000

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Weekend Box Office - Box Office Mojo