You know, many people were expecting Avatar to be top of the weekend box office until the end of time.

After all, it had everything. Guns, explosions, robots, sexy lady aliens with boobs, you name it. However, here’s where the people got it wrong – it’s only boys who like that stuff. Girls like different things. Girls like sensitive boys and crying and scenes of sensitive boys kissing crying girls on construction sites in rainstorms. And where was all that in Avatar? Nowhere, that’s where.

And that’s why the new weekend box office number one is Dear John, which is either the greatest movie ever made or an awful piece of crap, depending on how many fallopian tubes you own.

Gentleman, consider this advance warning. Remember The Notebook? Remember how you were forced to watch The Notebook once, and your girlfriend wouldn’t stop crying all the way through it and it was basically so insufferable that you felt like crawling through the screen and trying to drown Ryan Gosling? Remember how you made a mental promise to yourself never to watch another film like The Notebook again? Well Dear John is almost identical to The Notebook, so make yourself busy until it’s not on in cinemas any more. And then destroy your DVD player.

Unless we’ve told you too late. Dear John has become the first movie for months to take more money than Avatar at the weekend box office, so it’s fairly likely that a number of boys have already been tricked into watching it. We give these men out sympathies. Everyone else, consider this weekend box office top five advance warning…

1 - Dear John (Now we’re not saying that Dear John is the worst kind of painfully emotional female film, or that any man who was involved in its production should be ashamed, but Channing Tatum did try to burn his cock off immediately after making it. Just saying) $32,400,000

2 - Avatar (James Cameron shouldn’t be sad that Avatar is no longer the weekend box office number one. At least it’s made so much money that he can afford a haircut now. Seriously James Cameron, cut your hair. You’re starting to look like Helen Mirren) $23,600,000

3 - From Paris With Love (John Travolta shaves his head and fires a bazooka. Judging by the past, this means that at some point over the next couple of years, The Rock will make a film where he shaves his head and fires a bazooka) $8,120,000

4 - Edge of Darkness (Interesting. Mel Gibson calling someone an asshole on live TV didn’t make anyone flock to see Edge Of Darkness. This doesn’t bode well for the ‘Shitmuncher’ press tour that he’s planning for his next film, does it?) $7,005,000

5 - The Tooth Fairy (Seriously The Rock, that bald-headed bazooka movie can’t come quickly enough) $6,500,000

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