Wayne Rooney Is No Role-Model

There’s so much bad behaviour everywhere you look these days. Riding high in the box office is xXx2, not so much a film as one long angry explosion.

On TV this week is the final of The Apprentice, a show where every episode is opened by a man with a crap beard saying "bullshitters" and "arselickers". Would Tony Hart say the same things if he was in charge? Would he bollocks.

And as for music - well, Oasis (CDs) are back, aren’t they. Doing their traditional album promotion of slagging off all the new bands, just like your Dad did when Top Of The Pops was on - "Is that singer a boy or a girl? I can’t hear the words, it’s just noise" - but with more swearing.

It’s good to see that someone is standing up for good old-fashioned decency. The English Schools Football Association has decided that Wayne Rooney isn’t a good enough role-model for young children, and has stopped using him as a coach in a kids’ tournament.

Low-browed angry urchin chav Rooney attracted negative attention during a match in February, where he swore at the referee more than 20 times. And all the alleged nightclub malarkey with his awful girlfriend probably didn’t help either.

And now, despite his skills as a player, he’s been told not to attend the Under-13s Coca-Cola cup semi-final in Middlesborough.

Who do you think would be a better role-model to step in as his replacement? How about Norwegian black-metaller Mortiis (CDs)? Michael Jackson (CDs), maybe? Leave your suggestions below.