This summer, someone made an explosion-filled, $120 million epic movie about clones discovering their real place in the world. Nobody went to see it. That’s obviously not what people want in a movie.

What people actually do want in a movie is a couple of bits of Plasticine talking to each other about cheese with the voice of a bloke off Last Of The Summer Wine.

That’s why Wallace And Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit has topped the US weekend box-office chart. Readers from Portland in Dorset are advised that the following article contains explicit references to rabbits.

The gentle, quirky animated comedy of Wallace And Gromit: The Curse
Of The Were-Rabbit has beaten off competition from guns, violence,
zombies, the latest offering from the world’s greatest movie actor and
Jessica Alba jiggling about in a bikini. Here’s the top ten…

1 - Wallace And Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit (Fun for the
whole family. Unless your family comes from Portland, that is. In which case, it’s terrifying barbarity for all the family)
$16,100,000

2 - Flightplan (Jodie Foster prepares to spend the rest of her life picking shards of broken glass out of her airline meals)
$10,788,000

3 - In Her Shoes ("Please watch this, boys. It’s not a chick-flick,
honest," plead the makers of this film about a bunch of women searching
their souls and stuff) $10,025,000

4 - Two For The Money (Al Pacino’s worst film since… oh, Gigli. He’s lost it, hasn’t he?) $8,380,000

5 - The Gospel (A film about family turmoil, relationship issues and our old buddy Jesus Christ) $8,000,000

6 - Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride (A man has sex with a zombie. You don’t see it going in) $6,540,000

7 - Waiting (Our favourite words that rhyme with ‘waiting’ include ‘dating’, ’slating’, ‘baiting’ and ‘fellating’) $5,700,000

8 – A History Of Violence (Best harrowing violent sex scene on a staircase ever) $5,125,000

9 - Serenity (Making a feature film based on a shitty TV series seems to be
the new big thing. Coming soon: The Green Green Grass Of Home – The
Movie) $4,925,000

10 - Into The Blue (The Jessica Alba bikini movie. The Jessica Alba full-frontal movie edges ever closer) $4,800,000

Read more:

‘Wallace’ carves out no.1 debut with $16.1 mil – The Hollywood Reporter

[story by Stuart Heritage]