Vote Laverty: The Empire Thunderdome Diaries, Pt 1

Remember yesterday we told you that our very own Chris Laverty had made it into the final ten of the Empire Thunderdome film writers contest and that you should go and vote for him a whole load of times?

Good. We're glad that you do. But we know you're essentially very lazy people, so we've following up our plea with something a bit special. That's right - in a transparent attempt to get you to vote for him, young Mr Bigshot Film Magazine Writer Chris Laverty has put together part one of the hopefully long-running Empire Thunderdome Diaries, where he'll share the laughter, the tears and the frustration that comes from writing about films you like to go and see. Ready? Then read on… 

Empire Thunderdome – hecklerspray is in, folks!

If you buy a copy of this month’s Empire magazine (which you should, as it has really hit its stride again), then you will find me in there, Chris Laverty – Thunderdome finalist.

The Thunderdome consists of ten people, selected from a large portfolio of applicants who entered Empire’s competition in September to find a brand new writer for the magazine – poorly paid, imminent drink problem; everything.  

I was chosen to be in the final by means of a film review and some words on just how I could make the country’s best-selling movie monthly a better read.  

What happens now is simple. It’s X Factor for pen-jockeys. Every month the other nine hopefuls and myself will be set a task - probably writing based, but who knows? – and our efforts will be printed in Empire for all to enjoy and ridicule. Yourselves, the discerning public, are then invited to vote for your favourite writer each month. The person with the least votes is then cast out of the competition. Just like that.

After nine months there will be a winner. Essentially the last man or woman still left in the running.  

With your help this winner could be your own representative from the most kick-ass entertainment site on the net. That’s hecklerspray for all those reading this half-cut.

The Diary:

Portentous? No, not really. Just a few words of reflection every month I remain in the competition. I will tell you what gossip I can (Empire made me sign a contract specifying that I won’t give too much away). You can smile at my misfortune, nod in agreement or perhaps just skip past to something else more interesting on hecklerspray instead. Either way, we are happy to have your company.

So, there it is. Please don’t forget to vote for Chris Laverty, man of hecklerspray, nose of antelope.  

Now, on with the diary…

Month 1: Photos and Make-Up

All a bit James Bond (if James Bond lived in a one-bedroomed apartment with his girlfriend). I got a call from Empire requesting my presence at a photoshoot in London. The last time I got involved in any kind of photoshoot I was wearing my school uniform and counting the spots on my forehead. This should be more fun.

Arrive dressed in a nice suit, which I soon realise was quite unnecessary. Empire has laid on tuxedos and dresses for all ten competitors in a kind of mocked-up Oscars shoot. I was not offered a dress so I thought it best not to ask.  

Our special Empire Thunderdome T-shirts are typically oversized and Fruit of the Loom. Still could have been worse, at least my nickname rocks.

I’m not known for wearing make-up, not normally, but I had the stuff slathered on me for the duration of the shoot. People who earn more in a month than I have probably managed to save my entire lifetime flapped enthusiastically around the studio bringing me tea and laughing at my plagiarised jokes. I got the distinct feeling that these photoshoots will be the most fun I am going to have throughout this competition. I had an interview, too. Not a job interview type of interview, more a ‘How Much is a Pint of Milk?’ type of interview. Off the cuff responses did not flow easily. I think I actually put my head in my hands at one point.  

Seriously, grab the mag this month and, if the questions are in there, read them out to your mates – see if they can think of something funny for ‘Are you afraid of the Daleks?’ in five seconds flat. I certainly couldn’t.  

The actual writing part of the competition starts forthwith. I doubt it will be as easy as slipping on a pair of patent loafers and smiling a lot.

Now go to the Empire Thunderdome website and click Vote Chris several times. Please.