Virtual Insanity

hecklerspray once lived with a boy who fantasised about sleeping with an alien. One with tenticles, preferably. How we hated him. He had a thing for Jessica Rabbit, too. The git.

But it looks like he wasn’t alone in wanting to knock boots with vaguely sci-fi females. For reasons unknown to anyone with a shred of common decency, The Sun newspaper has published a survey to find the ‘Sexiest Ever Superheroine’…

Now, we’d love to make you a Venn diagram where one circle is ’sci-fi sex fiends’ and the other is ‘readers of The Sun’, if only because the people caught in the middle would be the world’s most grubby, red-eyed, sweaty-palmed, come-here-and-sit-on-your-uncle’s-lap scumbags. But you’ll just have to imagine the diagram instead.

As for the contenders, Catwoman makes it onto the list twice, in Halle Berry and Michelle Pfeiffer form.

Also strangely included is the alien from the movie ‘Species’. For people unfamiliar with this film, the alien is a predatory woman who has sex with men just to get , before murdering them in a needlessly gory way. She was voted higher than Supergirl? You’re all wrong, sickos.

Surprisingly, geek goddess Buffy the Vampire Slayer didn’t make top place. Her time has passed, and also she’s a bit, you know, real. She has real hair and everything. No discernable chin as such, but the rest of her is pretty much human. Why choose her when there are sexy animations in the world, right?

So the winner of this sordidly pointless contest is Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft.

This means sci-fi Sun readers love a computer game character more than any other human that has ever lived. No doubt they enjoy nothing more than making Croft run into walls over and over again, so she makes that slightly turned on "uhh" sound. Not that we know that happens, of course. Ahem…