The versatility of Vinnie Jones is astounding.

He played a hard man in Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels, a hard man in Swordfish, a hard man in Snatch, a hard man in The Mean Machine and a hard man in Eurotrip. And now he’s been signed up to star in X-Men 3, as – you guessed it – a big red triangular mutant. A dead hard one, naturally.

According to The Sun, Jones is set to play Juggernaut, a
"super-powered baddie" in the forthcoming movie. The latex suit Vinnie
will be wearing is said to weigh four stone.

Which big name Hollywood director has been struck by the ex-footballer’s charisma and charming personality? None other than cockney
wideboy geezer Matthew ‘Layer Cake’ Vaughn, producer of Lock Stock and Snatch.

Apart from the vaguely nepotistic nature of the casting, the choice
of director has raised a few eyebrows. You really should see the script he’s written. We have. Here’s a tiny peek…

WOLVERINE: Oi! Where’s me bleedin’ stash?

PROFESSOR X: Shut it you SLAG! I ain’t seen your bleedin’ stash!

WOLVERINE: Cyclops you muppet! Gor blimey love a duck.

CYCLOPS: Chim-chimmenney, Chim-chimmenney, Chim-chim, cherooo. Knees up mother Brown.

MAGNETO: Feed the birds, tuppence a bag! Jellied eels, anyone?

EVERYONE: Jellied eels? That sounds delightful.

OK, that was a lie. But the film’s out next year.

[story by Stuart Heritage]