Fair play to old Vinnie. He is making a mint from a profession he can’t do to save his life. Crap Bond villain for Casino Royale, a – no doubt – crap new Bond movie. A marriage made in heaven.

Mr Vinnie Jones can be relied upon to do one thing very well in a film – nothing. If you want zero charisma, range, movement and expression, he is definitely your man.

"I’d like to have a go at James Bond."

Vinnie Jones (DVDs) means it too. Though he’d probably ask for a scene in Casino Royale where he gets to tear Bond limb from limb and stick him in a meat grinder.

"I think I’d be a great villain so I’ll have to see what I can do."

Translation: ‘I’ll have to see who I can threaten.’

No, no, we are being silly. Playing with Vinnie’s celluloid hard man image and implying he might actually act this way in real life. It’s a joke, a bit of subversion.

Let’s make amends by seeing what Vinnie has to say about his new movie X-Men 3.

"I’m playing Juggernaut at the minute and it’s great fun. I wasn’t really a comic kid but I’ve got into my role for X-Men."

There, you see? All friends again. We’ll even let him plug something else.

"You don’t have to worry about too much dialogue as a superhero but it’s a nice rest as I’ve just done 110 pages on another new film, Johnny Was."

110 pages, what’s that about one hour and fifty minutes of screen time? Wow, we hope Vinnie got paid well because he sure deserves it.

"It’s been emotional."

…said our man in his breakthrough film Lock, Stock and Three Smoking Barrels. Classic Vinnie. He really is just the man to make Bond cool again.

The Bourne movie producers with their smart scripts, gritty direction and credible cast must be crapping themselves right about now.

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Vinnie wants to play Bond villain – Ananova

[story by Chris Laverty]