Joaquin Phoenix, we knew you wouldn’t let us down. Some may have dismissed your new rap career as a joke, but not us.

We know exactly what you’re capable of, and your debut show on Friday night in Las Vegas did us proud. But then again, Joaquin Phoenix rapping onstage after a career tutorial by Diddy couldn’t really be anything other than spectacular.

And the result – a bearded man shouting incomprehensible rubbish like a homeless tramp screaming at his own reflection and then falling off the stage – was the dictionary definition of spectacular. Joaquin Phoenix, you’re our hero. Video? Yes, there’s video.

If we were trapped on a sinking hot air balloon with every celebrity on Earth, and we had to throw all but one overboard to keep us afloat, it’s looking increasingly likely that we’d keep Joaquin Phoenix. The man is such good value we’d be idiots to jettison him.

Everything Joaquin Phoenix does is solid gold entertainment (with the exception of most of his films, obviously. We’re not idiots). Whether he’s asking reporters if frogs are eating his brains, announcing his retirement from acting in the most shambolic, humourless way possible or scrawling ‘BYE! GOOD’ across his fists to reinforce that point, Joaquin Phoenix never fails to make our jaw drop in utter disbelief, like he’s Punking the world, but he forgot to tell anyone first.

But last week, everything that Joaquin Phoenix had ever done became obsolete. Because last week Joaquin Phoenix decided to become a rapper, got World’s Worst Rapper Diddy to teach him how to rap and then asked Ben Affleck’s little brother to make a documentary about his new career. And we can completely see why – the documentary would be like Rocky; a heartwarming film about a man who nobody took seriously but went on to become a champion against all the odds.

Or at least it would be like Rocky, if Rocky was three minutes long, didn’t make any sense whatsoever and ended up with Sylvester Stallone toppling out of the ring before he could even look Apollo Creed in the eye.

That’s right – Joaquin Phoenix’s debut show as a rapper took place on Friday night, and it would have been memorable for being an incoherent, shapeless mess – were it not for the fact that Joaquin Phoenix actually fell off the stage at the end. Here are those videos we promised you…

We’re going to go out on a limb here – Joaquin Phoenix has peaked. There is nothing he can do that will ever top him mumbling about fire and then falling over. What you’re watching here is a master on top of his game. This is absolutely as good as it gets.

You know, at least until Joaquin Phoenix releases his rap album. And there aren’t enough words in the English language that can tell you how much we’re looking forward to that.

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