Victoria’s Secret Model Leaves Franchise, Isn’t Sexy
Supermodels are so stinking lucky. It’s really not fair, you know.
We’ve tried the whole 'seductress on the runway' thing in our Batman underoos, but we can’t seem to make so much as a pretty penny. What is it? Is it our acne? Saddlebags? Lazy eye? Can’t they see our ravishing inner beauty? Whatever. The modelling world is so superficial.
Anyway, we got all excited when we heard there was an opening for a Victoria’s Secret model. This could be our big break, because supermodel Gisele Bundchen will no longer be able to strut down the catwalk in lacy brazier and undies in a few commercials a year for Victoria’s Secret and rake in $5 million for it. No, she’ll be able to do it for someone else and make a lot more.
Yup, the former way-too-hot-for-him girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio has not renewed her contract with Victoria’s Secret. Page Six scandalously reported that the global manufacturer of silky unmentionables would no longer employ Gisele because they won’t raise her $5 million dollar salary.
But naturally, Gisele lists the winds of change, not the stifling of her multi-millionaire status as reason for leaving. She hinted to such happenings last November at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show in New York City:
"I've been working with them for seven years, so it's kind of like they become part of your family. I would like to have different chapters in my life. I mean let's be honest – I do this because it's my job."
And you also do it because nature’s cruel gene favouritism allows you to make money by being hot. Bitter? Us? Never. While reflecting the complexities of the supermodel mind, we wondered what could consume someone’s personal expenses so fully that they need more than $5 million a year – especially since there doesn’t seem to be much of a need for superfluous items such as food and clothing.
Now that Gisele will no longer be bound to push-up bras and chaffing garter belts, she can let her true self shine:
"I'm not this girl all the time. People have a perception of me because of Victoria's Secret that I'm sexy, but I'm not a sexy girl. I'm very tomboyish."
Well, good luck, Gisele. We wish you a hearty future of modelling Dickie’s overalls while hammering up drywall and smashing a beer can on your head.
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