Victoria Beckham And Eva Longoria Have Skinny-Off At Child’s Party
You’re a fan of ladies with legs that are literally as thin as half a sheet of tracing paper? Why, step this way, we have two of ‘em.
Cruz Beckham. Crazy name, crazy guy. Actually, there’s absolutely no proof of that. He is only four, after all. You didn’t know? Oh, yeah, had his birthday party the other day. It was at the Xtreme Martial Arts World Headquarters in Hollywood. We know, totally boring place for a kids’ party, right?
Guess they couldn’t afford the Xtreme Martial Arts Branch Office in Swindon. That’s where it’s really at.
In a country where the average person could balance the scales with a Ford Focus, few things stand out more than a woman with legs you could use to string a banjo. One of those things is a woman with legs you could use to string a banjo AND a voice which sounds exactly like white noise rubbing its fingernails down a blackboard while chewing on a wad of cotton wool mixed with aluminium foil.
Little surprise that such harridans would stick together, which is why, when Cruz Beckham was putting together a guest list for his recent fourth birthday party, his mummy - Victoria Beckham – made sure that Eva Longoria got an invite. (By the way, we don’t want to start any rumours or owt, but ‘Cruz’? Wasn’t that a bit obvious, David Beckham? We hope that Victoria Beckham doesn’t put the evidence together and realise that the child’s real mother is Penelope Cruz).
The theme of the sprog’s birthday party was ‘Superheroes’, with the birthday boy arriving in a Wolverine costume. His mum got into the spirit too, apparently turning up as ‘Linguine‘, titular heroine of the little-known Manga series. Cruz, perhaps having learnt about costume changes from mum, emerged from the party dressed as Iron Man.
We turn to rightwing haterag The Daily Mail for further details:
Cruz turned four on Friday and was spotted with Brooklyn enjoying a game of football at the Coldwater Canyon Park in Beverly Hills. While Romeo looked a chip off the old block as he kicked the ball around having appeared to have inherited his father’s fancy footwork, Cruz still looked a little hazy on the rules of the game. The toddler, who was wearing his father’s number 23 LA Galaxy shirt, didn’t seem fazed by the fact football isn’t a contact sport. He playfully laid in to his older brother with a swift karate kick while trying to get control of the ball.
Oh, those playful Beckham boys, with their playful karate kicks and their playful headbutts to the bridge of the nose.
Sadly, Katie Holmes and her daughter Suri sent apologies for their absence: Tom Cruise apparently has them traipsing round Peru at the moment shouting “Can you hear me? Just knock, or something” into volcanoes.
