Victoria Beckham is plainly so desperate to achieve fame in America that we don't doubt for a second that she'd eat one of her own children if she got wind that America's Funniest Baby-Eaters was casting for a host.

Actually, that's an appalling thing to say – Victoria Beckham would never eat one of her own children. Too many calories. But, on the other hand, Victoria Beckham will stoop to other lows to try and get in the celebrity magazines – lows like going out dressed exactly like a Nazi. Victoria Beckham has been photographed out and about in a peaked cap and grey fitted military jacket. In fact, some are saying, slap an eye-patch on Victoria Beckham and she'd look exactly like Tom Cruise in the publicity shots for his new Nazi movie. Again, that's ridiculous – Victoria Beckham, though vaguely Nazi-looking, would never wear an eye-patch. Unless, of course, America's Funniest One-Eyed Nitwit Offensive Skinny Trend-Chasers was casting for a host, in which case she'd probably take one of her own eyes with a screwdriver as well.

It's wrong to gloat at failure, we know, but it's equally wrong not to be relieved that David and Victoria Beckham haven't conquered America in the way they wanted. Back in July you couldn't even open your eyes for a moment without being assaulted by billions of news articles proclaiming how big David and Victoria Beckham were going to be. David Beckham signed with LA Galaxy, the pair of them were befriended by Tom Cruise and Victoria Beckham even got chased by a pig as a stunt for her big new TV series. Truly, it's the life we all dream of.

Fast forward a couple of months and things don't look all that rosy at all. After pounding the world in the eyes with their self-important, narcissistic magazine covers and nauseatingly chummy celebrity-infected parties, everything's started to fall to pieces. David Beckham's LA Galaxy are sitting at the bottom of their league – a league featuring such powerhouse teams as FC Dallas and Real Salt Lake – and Victoria Beckham's TV series was edited down into a single show. But even though the upcoming Spice Girls reunion should boost Victoria Beckham's profile in America, that's still not enough.

Victoria Beckham, we're told, wants to be an actress. Or a TV presenter. Or anything that'll get her on TV a lot. The trouble is, though, that Victoria Beckham is literally the only person on the face of the Earth who wants this – aside from a sure-to-be mind-melting cameo on Ugly Betty, US TV won't touch Victoria Beckham with a shitty stick. These are desperate times for Victoria Beckham, much like Germany before the rise of Nazism, we suppose. Which is presumably why Victoria Beckham has been pictured trotting about the place in her usual pinch-faced way dressed in something startlingly similar to a Nazi uniform. The Daily Mail reports:

The Spice Girl raised even more eyebrows than usual when she left Los Angeles airport dressed in a military-style jacket and peaked cap. The outfit bears more than a passing resemblance to the on-set costume worn by Tom Cruise in his new film Valkyrie… Both outfits included tight-fitting grey tailored jackets cinched at the waist with a distinctive belt, finished off with business-like leather bags.

Actually, Victoria Beckham might really be onto something by dressing up as a Nazi – she's trying to exploit a niche market. After the world has taken a chance to take in this new Nazi-looking Victoria Beckham, we're sure the work offers will come flooding in. And, for what it's worth, we think Victoria Beckham would make a lovely face of America's White Rule TV network.

We know what you're thinking, by the way. You're thinking "Why on earth have you gone to this much trouble telling us about Victoria Beckham essentially just wearing a hat and a tight jacket?" It's only because we care about you, you know. By mentioning Victoria Beckham's Nazi uniform in print, hopefully Victoria Beckham will see her outfit as a success and she won't feel the need to go out dressed in an even more offensive wardrobe in the future as her slide into non-fame continues. Although, having said that, the next logical step down from Nazi dress is blackface – and you'd be lying if a very guilty part of you didn't want to see that.

Read more:

Posh Takes Admiration Of Tom Cruise Too Far In 'Nazi Outfit' - Daily Mail