To casual observers, Victoria Beckham might seem like a phenomenally humourless professional WAG trapped in a fame-grasping marriage with only her two rock-hard grapefruit-sized breast implants for company, but you’d be wrong.

Victoria Beckham, you see, is just a normal girl from London. We know this because Victoria Beckham said so. Victoria Beckham said that she was just a normal girl from London as part of the promotion for her forthcoming American TV special Victoria Beckham: Coming To America. You know the one, it started life as a full series but got edited down to a one-off special because Victoria Beckham couldn’t stop doing normal London girl things, like take herself preposterously seriously and act in a strange stilted, desperate-for-fame way every time a camera was turned on her. You know, like normal girls from London do.