Vernon Kay has always been a firing-line favourite here at hecklerspray.

We’ve always had a good old chuckle at his witless expense. "Look at him", we’ve laughed. "Look at his stupid gormless puppet-face and the sheer, unexpurgated amount of mindless drivel that spews from his mouth like a T4-approved blandness tsunami."

Turns out that not everyone agrees with us.

The readers of FHM – civilised, literate and not-at-all thuggish gents that they are – have elected the empty-skulled personality-bypass as the World’s Most Fashionable Man. 

That’s right. The World.

The big question remains – what exactly were the FHM readers basing this judgement on? What spurred their decision? What was passing through their Stella-fused minds?

Maybe Vernon himself can shed some light on the situation. Let’s take a look at his hugely articulate response:

"I’m well chuffed."

Righty-ho. Maybe we should take a quick scan of Vernon’s nearest rivals.

In second place was bald Big Brother nonentity Dermot O’Leary – a man so chronically dull he could sit on a shelf full of tax-form folders and no-one would notice.

Third place went to ex-Libertine Carl Barat. For a while there, it was looking as though Barat had kept a respectable low-profile during the tiresome junkie antics of Sir Doherty of Pointlesshire and was therefore due a bit of respect. Then he started flogging clothes on billboards and invalidated everything.

Little Britain cretin David Walliams came in fourth, while Formula One driver Jenson Button crept in at fifth place. The instant something interesting can be said about these two, we’ll let you know. In the meantime, we’ll just settle for a slow, reflective shake of the head.

So there you go, everybody. That’s ‘fashion’.

See you in the Tesco T-shirt aisle.

Read More:

Vernon Kay: Most Stylish Man – Ananova

[story by C J Davies]