Venezuela Thinks Baywatch Is Better For Kids Than The Simpsons
Venezuela sucks.
Hey, don’t get mad at us! We’re just saying what everyone is thinking. Venezuela is totally lagging behind its South American counterparts. They don’t even have a body hair wax treatment named after them. Losers. Their children are corrupt, too. It must be because they have The Simpsons on during daytime television programming. Well, no more! Venezuela has pulled The Simpsons because it is unsuitable for children, and replaced it with Baywatch Hawaii.
Good. The sooner the children stop being corrupted and start learning unrealistic beauty standards and uncreative, predictable plot-lines, the better.
If you’re still reading you are, no doubt, just as outraged as we are, but it’s true. Venezuelan officials have declared The Simpsons to be in danger of violating the country’s Law of Social Responsibility in Radio and Television, and say that the show is not acceptable for young children.
Whoa whoa whoa. Let’s take this one issue at a time. Venezuela has television?? So not just shaved dogs dancing on their hind legs while a blind man plays the spoons in the village square like we’ve always been led to believe, then. Okay, good to know.
But moving on… The Simpsons? Not acceptable for young children? That’s shocking. What isn’t suitable about Homer dressing up as a giant salamander that blocks the fire exit in a burning auditorium full of children and later squeezing tennis balls out of his bum? We’re so confused.
Apparently, people running Televen, the station that broadcasts The Simpsons, believe that Baywatch Hawaii is a more suitable alternative to brilliant satire and wit wrapped up with delightful bodily function jokes and swearing. Televen spokeswoman Elba Guillen said that The Simpsons is:
“messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents.”
Of course it does. That’s why we love it. That’s why we call it ‘mother’.
Replacing The Simpsons with Baywatch Hawaii is probably a good move on Venezuela’s part, actually. There is obviously nowhere else in South America that children are going to learn about the importance of tanned, sparingly clad, large-bosomed women running on the beach than on TV. Plus, it’s not like the ratings were any good with The Simpsons. Oh, wait. This quote from Televen station general manager Perez Nahim may possibly negate that last sentence:
“We are hoping it will continue to have a good rating, because The Simpsons worked very well—so much so that it had the highest levels of viewership for that morning timetable in the history of the channel.”
Well, then kudos for taking it off the air! Heaven forbid a child’s parents should regulate what is seen in the home. Screw the ratings! Everyone knows child education is all about watching Baywatch Hawaii and a tanned David Hasselhoff trying to run on the beach while sucking in his gut, anyway.
Read more:
Elba’s quote that the Simpsons has “messages that go against the whole education of boys, girls and adolescents.”
Are they really relying on television to educate their children?! And if so, BAYWATCH was found to be a better alternative? After consideration, I think they’re right about this… In just a few short years, Venezuela will be full of young adults skilled at; taking out gangs of thieves who steal wallets and keys out of beach combers’ shoes, same sex showering in locker rooms, being tan, running in slow motion, being fit, CPR, riding Ski Doos, being blonde, and wrapping up life’s problems in 55 minutes or less (not counting commercial breaks). Their country has a bright future indeed.
Don’t forget to mention killing off the flat-chested women in swimsuits because, let’s face it, they’re useless.
has it more to do with the Fox network than with anything else?
My guess is there is a Chavez episode coming soon. Well if there isn’t there will be now.
Wait, WHAT??? I’ve been busy my whole life watching Baywatch… what are these ‘flat-chested’ women you speak of?
They pretty much are. Hyde, let’s see your swimsuit pic, so we can decide if we should read your stories anymore.
Knowing that I have the resources to secure readership such as yours for life, it is tempting to provide proof, but I wouldn’t want to anything to distract everyone from my journalsitc integrity (I don’t know what ‘integrity’ means, but a lot of hs haters use it in their ranting comments. Must be pretty nifty stuff).
hahahaha
so doest hat mean NO SWIMWARE PIC???!?!?!?!
Of course there is. Look for the hecklerspray swimsuit issue coming out soon. It was scheduled to be out already, but Stuart and Shawn keep fighting over being on the cover.
I can only assume this is the denouement to Paul Sorrenti’s drunken proclamation that he “looks better in a bikini than Elvis ever did”.
What the hell is wrong with you racist bastards. America is not the only country in the world with technology. Reading this post just even more proves the idiocy that everyone else in the world believes America to be. The Simpsons is a stupid show, and kids shouldn’t waste their time on it, besides, its not that they removed it, they just wanted to put at a more comfortable time for the kids to watch, at night, as it airs at 7 PM. Get all your facts straight. People like you disgust me. The world doesn’t revolve around America, and I can’t wait until its economy finally completely fails. Then you won’t have any room to talk with your stupid materialist, selfish minds. Luckily, not all Americans are like this, but the sad thing is, almost all of them are. And you, Annette Hyde, are one of those stupid Americans that need to wake up.
ahahahaha she sure is one of those stupid Americans, Joseph.
I think that’s why she doesn’t want us to see pictures of her in revealing dress; almost all Americans, along with being stupid, are fat. And if you’re disgusted by stupid Americans, you’d positively lose your lunch over a fat chick in a G-string.
Two letters, Joseph…
F. U.
If you can’t pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize this site makes humorous fun at EVERYTHING, then you are STUPID and you need to WAKE UP.
Now, re-read your post, go to the mirror, and look into it and ask who the racist bastard here really is.
You tell ‘em Joe! Then look up the home offices of Hecklerspray. Dipshit.
Yes Joseph I agree,when/if our economy fails we can stop funding frivolous things like aids research and aid in Africa (more than the entire world combined) and the U.N.Perhaps,you would like it?
New slogan for hecklerspray: Stupid Americans from the UK.
I jthink Joseph just needs a hug, guys. I’d do it if I could, but the snow shovel I use to pry my lardy butt out of this recliner is juuuuuust out of reach.
St. Joe has a poing. Nothing’s more irritating than a racist fat American bastard
who pretends to be English by spending his/her life in England after being born there.
C’mon Annette, you have nothing to hyde, pull Joseph out of your copious bosom
and cop to the ugly American truth. Just as everyone knows that most Venezuelans are
really from Angola, and that the entire nation is really just a front for the underground
ivory trade, you and your cohorts at H-spray should set the record straight:
England is an American colony founded by Napoleon in the 13th century as a plot
to usurp the Dutch lily market, the Chinese (Burmese) basket weaving cartels,
the Angolan ivory trade and the hallmark religious insights of the Scientooligists.
Joe is on to something big here and we don’t help ourselves by pretending not to know.