Vatican To Make Comprehensive List Of Films They Allow On Location

The Catholic Church says there’s not a chance in the deepest depths of heck that the Da Vinci Code or anything even remotely related to the Da Vinci Code will ever be filmed in it again.

And just so Hollywood can stop embarrassing itself by getting constant refusals from them, they’re inventing a list of guidelines as to what types of films would be considered good film-on-site Vatican-worthy cinema.

It begs to question exactly what films ol’ V-town would find acceptable to film in their churches. Clearly Angels and Demons is out, but would they have allowed Darth Vader to cut off Luke’s hand in the chapel? Would Big Trouble have been permitted in their Little China? Would our mother and step-dad be able to make love in any of the 16 feature length films we’re currently making about how they first met, for each of which the manuscript is over 1000 pages long?

These are the questions that spring readily to mind.

Two movies that clearly will never get a Vatican screening are Angels and Demons, and the Golden Compass. The first for questionable Catholic sentiment, the latter for overall lack of quality. Also they’ll probably never watch any films with the word Debbie, Dallas or does in the title.

And if you’ve been intending to film on their property, well you’d better forget about it. Unless of course your script has something to do with Saul, Paul or that one Cardinal that lifted an entire mountain to give his people safe-passage from the barbaric heathens.

Reuters sheds some light on this mysterious Vatican list:

“The Vatican said Wednesday that it is working on a set of guidelines for what it considers “good cinema.” Priest Marco Fibbi, a spokesman for the Diocese of Rome, said Wednesday that the church was working on a set of guidelines that will determine whether a film contains the “proper” religious sentiment.”

Now just you keep in mind that this list is a work in progress - who knows what’ll be on it. We just hope the makers of Hellboy 3: Hellboy Lovingly Caresses The Pope Because The Two Love Each Other Endlessly didn’t have any particular scenes absolutely depending on location shoots.

To read more, see “Vatican weighing in on “good cinema” on Yahoo News