Vanity Fair’s Exposé Confirms: Gwyneth Paltrow is an Uppity Bitch

Gwyneth-Paltrow-Interview-Chelsea-Lately-April-2013-VideoAfter months of rumors, Vanity Fair has decided to write an allegedly damning article about everyone’s favorite pretentious 1% rich bitch: Gwyneth Paltrow. So apparently, Vanity Fair has become Captain Obvious. 

Remember back in the 90′s when Gwnyeth Paltrow was a super cool “It Girl”? She was sexy, did cool movies like “Seven“, dated Brad Pitt, and won an Oscar? You’d think marrying a rock star, albeit a mom-friendly rock star, starring in “Iron Man”, and becoming BFF with Jay-Z and Beyonce would just up her cool factor, instead we’ve spent the last decade watching her descent into extreme douchiness; a fact that has apparently not gone unnoticed by Vanity Fair. 

The whole Vanity Fair vs. Gwyneth Paltrow feud (which is potentially the most white, rich, and pretentious sentence I’ve ever typed) began back in May, when Gwyneth allegedly sent out an e-mail to all her famous pals asking them not to talk to Vanity Fair or have anything to do with Vanity Fair because they were saying mean shit about other celebrities and she didn’t want them to write about her. So basically, Gwyneth Paltrow is Hollywood’s Regina George.

Vanity Fair’s editor, Graydon Carter, said that regardless of Paltrow’s actions they will be publishing the article about Paltrow that some people are saying is a “take down.” Personally, I think Gwyneth Paltrow has been doing a fine job of taking herself down over the past decade. It’s like every time you forget Gwyneth is kind of a douche bag, she goes and does or says something that reminds you that she was raised with not a silver, but a pure gold spoon up her ass. Silver is for the lesser people.

gwyneth paltrow crying

First off, there is that stupid cookbook, It’s All Good, she released. If you go through her recipes, the average cost to make one of her meals is $56.93. The average cost of a full day of meals is around $300. $300 a day to feed your family three meals?! That’s my entire month’s grocery budget! Paltrow has also been quoted as saying she’d “rather die than eat Cup-of-Soup.” Has this bitch ever tried Cup-of-Soup?! It might not be $50 kale, grown organically on the tears of forty virgins, but it’s pretty fucking comforting when you have the flu. Hell, most college students live off that shit.

The fact that you can Google “stupid stuff said by Gwyneth Paltrow” and over 300,000 results show up just goes to show that Vanity Fair won’t be breaking any new ground when it publishes it’s article. As far as I’m concerned, they might as well write a story about Kanye West’s love of caps locks; it’s not something we didn’t already know.

 

 

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Comments

  1. Detroit Slim says

    I’d blow out her back door for sure. Other than that, she’s stupid and annoying as fuck

  2. Putang Ina Mo says

    “What do you mean?”—read in your best Gwyneth Paltrow condescending voice and then smile a really fake condescending smile. Take a bow.