Vanity Fair Oscars Party Croaks It

For all the bluster yesterday that the Oscars would go on regardless of a continued writers' strike, it now looks like actors have got nowhere to get hammered afterwards.

The Vanity Fair Oscars party - probably the most prestigious Oscar night party held by a magazine specifically for actresses to get trollied on free booze because they're not as good as Cate Blanchett - has been cancelled.

It's a blow to the credibility of the Oscars and no mistake - with no Vanity Fair party to go to, Elizabeth Hurley's got nowhere to topple out of in front of some cameramen even though she's never been able to make a film that hasn't made us want to stab ourselves in the neck. Won't someone think of Elizabeth Hurley?

The Oscars, it's fair to say, are up in the air this year. And that's got everything to do with the writers' strike. If the writers' strike continues then the Oscars will go the same way as the Golden Globes with no stars attending, no clips of movies shown, no witty between-gong banter scripted and - worst of all - Atonement winning something.

But some are saying that the writers' strike will be over by the weekend, and if that's the case then the Oscars will be business as usual - full of trussed-up actors and actresses parading up and down a red carpet talking about what an important job they do as if they all worked down the mines. And even though half the stars invited didn't turn up, Monday's Oscar luncheon reflected this bullish 'business as usual' attitude with aplomb.

However, it's not going to be business as usual for the Oscars. And that's because Vanity Fair has decided to cancel its traditional Oscars party. E! Online reports:

"After much consideration, and in support of the writers and everyone else affected by this strike, we have decided that this is not the appropriate year to hold our annual Oscar party," the New York-based magazine said in a statement. "We want to congratulate all of this year’s nominees and we look forward to hosting our 15th Oscar party next year." A VF spokeswoman wouldn't say how much money the mag is losing by scrapping the party so close to showtime, but she said that much of the materials that have been ordered can be used next year. 

Like sandwiches, for example. They'll keep for another year. And over the next 12 months the giant ice sculpture of an Oscar statue ordered by Vanity Fair might warp and buckle until it starts to look like Danny DeVito on The View, but screw it. Those famous bastards don't know they're born anyway. 

So with no Vanity Fair party to go to, what's left for the celebrities to go to after the Oscars? Well, there's always Elton John's AIDS fundraiser - but who wants to think about something as mopey as AIDS when they've just won a sparkly golden man for memorising some words better than anyone else? And then there's the Governors Ball held by the Academy, but that just sounds like it'll be full of retired colonial bombardiers with gout. So that means that stars can either make their own entertainment or do an Eddie Murphy and bugger off home immediately after they don't win. 

Of course, the worst-hit by the death of the Vanity Fair Oscars party are the British breakfast TV presenters whose only job is to stand by the entrance of the Vanity Fair party and shout "George! George! Angelina! Keira!" at stars as they walk past ignoring them. Without the Vanity Fair Oscars party to cover, chances are you'll see them standing outside your local Argos on the morning of February 25 trying to interview a tramp because he looks a bit like Nick Nolte. Won't someone think of the tramps?

Read more:

Oscars Strike Out with Vanity Fair - E! Online