Val Kilmer To Collaborate With Damon Albarn

Honestly. Seriously. No need to frown or rub your eyes. No-one’s spiked your coffee. You read that headline right, we promise.

Kilmer (DVDs) allegedly called up Albarn (CDs) and told him: "I feel I’ve got an album in me based on my life, and you’re the only man on this planet who can make it happen for me".

Quite what life-story observations are to be made by Kilmer - whom,
according to those he has worked with, is really little more than an
ego with a digestive system - remains a mystery as of yet.

Give his reputation, though, we’d advise you not to be at all surprised if he emerges with a triple-CD concept album full of tracks with names like Birth Of Val: A World Is Grateful, Realisation Of My Handsomeness and Batman Forever Was A Masterpiece. The LP title? Probably something like KilmerChrist. Or maybe just ValGod.

Still, in terms of autobiographical music, there isn’t really anyone better than good old Albarn to help him out, is there? After all, didn’t Blur (CDs) record an album (Thirteen) that was basically a whining lament for the lead’s singer’s ex-girlfriend?

Jesus, Damon … whenever hecklerspray gets dumped we just spend a couple of days lying in bed eating Pot Noodles and watching Buffy (DVDs). But recording an album? That sounds awfully self-indulgent and ego-centred … in which case, you and Val should get along like a house on fire.

While we’re waiting for this masterpiece to arrive, however, why don’t you hecklers have a little fun? hecklerspray is offering a shiny, probably quite rubbish prize (oh, we’ll think of something) to dish out to whoever comes up with the best mock album cover … you know, something like Val riding a golden horse over a tidal wave with the words ‘I am majestic‘ tattooed across his forehead. So get those photoshop-savvy fingers clicking and send ‘em in: hecklerspray@gmail.com.

Last words, then, come from movie maestro John Frankenheimer (DVDs), who struggled through an ardous shoot with Kilmer on The Island Of Doctor Moreau (DVD).

‘Cut,’ the director snarled after a particularly difficult take. ‘Now get that bastard off my set.’

Hang Out With Val At FemaleFirst

[story by C J Davies]