Once hecklerspray got caught in such a strong wind that both of our hair pieces blew right off.

Our head-piece was taken in a northerly direction, while it’s friend followed only about two blocks before snapping back because it was tangled too deeply in our underpants-waist band. Good thing – because that was our expensive wig. It’s made of 100% unshaven lambskin – worn fluffy side-in it naturally forms two comfy little nests.

We thought our familiarity with groinal wigs would give us an advantage for the casting of that Hair musical.

Not so – because apparently any pubes used will be 100% actor-grown.

The long and fascinating history of the pubic-wig began a little over two hundred years ago when a sleeping land owner was accidentally pruned by his blind Mexican butler. Imagine his surprise then, when he awoke to find such paleness where only hours before had been a beautiful lush lion’s mane.

The rancher immediately hollowed out the center of some steel wool to wear while his curls recuperated, and then everything at the homestead settled back down to normal. Aside from the serious chaffing, itching and scabbing, he thought nothing of it until his salesman cousin dropped by for a visit.

His cousin, you see, had long suffered from alopecia. One night as they stayed up late by the living room fire, pubic hair quickly emerged as the main topic of conversation. The rancher, perhaps tired or tipsy, showed his completely bald relative the wool-ring properly draped, and within a fortnight a factory had been established for the sole purpose of aiding men and women with bird-like bald genitalia.

200 and some-odd years later rumours circulated that these pube-wigs would be a main prop on the newest set of Hair the musical. Potential audiences probably raged at the thought of such fakery – but they needn’t rage anymore. That’s because somebody with the company has soothed all fears.

As the New York Post puts it:

“It’s the real thing when it comes to the full-frontal nudity in the revival of “Hair.” A rumor floating around Broadway was that the actresses playing the unshaven ’60s hippies in the rock musical were being fitted with pubic hairpieces so they wouldn’t have to give up their Brazilian waxes. But a rep for the show… says all hair will be strictly home grown. “It’s all natural. There are no merkins in the show at all.”

For musical-lovers that prefer the prosthetic, don’t worry, because the same rep said:

“… their buttocks, lips and boobies, however, well lets just say most of those were acquired in China on the cheap.”

Nobody said that, but could you imagine?

And for those of you offended because NYC musicals refuse to ever hire anyone who likes to cover their soft, pale skin with something bought from the back of a magazine, might we suggest you cover the appropriate area in double sided tape and roll around a barber shop floor. We’re told it looks quite natural from a distance – and ‘from a distance’ is exactly what you’ll be as you audition onstage.

Fame is yours for the taking, when you have hairy genitals.

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