Uwe Boll Goes Postal - World Despairs

The world of videogame movies has never been in better shape. The Doom movie is the number one film in America, the makers of the Halo movie look determined to make a genuinely good movie - calling in big names like Alex Garland and Peter Jackson, and Steven Spielberg has signed with Electronic Arts to produce three new cinematic videogames. Never been in better shape, we say.

Then Uwe Boll - possibly the world’s worst director - goes and blows it all by announcing that he’s going to remake Postal - a rubbish, half-forgotten videogame - into a movie. With Gary Coleman from Diff’rent Strokes. Back to square one, people.

Uwe Boll has a reputation unlike anyone else making films. The
videogame remake movies that he’s made - Alone In The Dark and House Of
The Dead - both sit within the IMDB list of the 100 worst-ever films.
Not that his terrible reviews have put him off, of course. He’s got a
whole raft of videogame movies in the pipeline, including Bloodrayne,
Dungeon Siege, Far Cry, Hunter: The Reckoning and Fear Effect. And none
of them are going to be that good.

Postal, the Running With Scissors videogame, has a similarly
notorious past. A PC game that involves little more than mindless
slaughter, it is so violent that possession of the game in New Zealand
is illegal. In 1997, Sen. Joe Lieberman singled Postal out as the
reason why everyone was so mean to each other all the time, or
something, leading to several retail outlets refusing to stock the
game. Controversial? Yes. Any good? No.

And now the two unstoppable forces of Uwe Boll and Postal are going
to collide, to probably produce quite a shit film. But what do the
people behind the movie have to say? Uwe Boll:

 "I see it like a mirror for our society –
funny, violent, absurd! So then the movie must be
powerful, strange, and so full of the game’s political incorrect
outrageousness that if we do it correct, we will all probably end up in
jail!"

Running With Scissors’ CEO, Vince Desi:

"Uwe Boll is the perfect producer-director to make Postal. He understands the subject
matter and has an appreciation and affinity for controversy and
political incorrectness. Postal has always been about reason and
insanity, violence and motivation; producer-director Uwe Boll is simply
the right guy to bring that vision to the screen."

Probable Postal star Gary Coleman:

"Oh my god, if the game was any indication, Running With Scissors’ Postal movie will leave an indelible scar on Hollywood. I can’t wait."

The official Postal website:

"That’s right, UWE BOLL. Got a problem with that? Tough shit. In what
may well be a unique twist, RWS will be intimately involved in the
creative side of the production, consulting on the script and
bitchslapping Uwe on a daily basis to ensure that the cinematic version
of POSTAL lives up to the insane hilarity of the original. So stop yer cryin’ and start thinking about
how OUR videogame movie is going to mash the heads off of all the other
videogame movies with a shovel and piss down their collective neck
holes."

Read more:

Postal game set to blow up big screen - Reuters

[story by Stuart Heritage]