The US presidential election is getting closer and closer, which means you have less and less time to cynically profit from it.

So thanks heavens for us – we’ve got all the US election betting odds you could ever wish for right here. Not the important betting odds about who’ll win, you understand, but what the next scandal to blow up in a candidate’s face will be. It’s better this way. Trust us.

Here are the US election betting odds for a DUI scandal, with help from Paddy Power…

DUI - It’s unlikely that any of the remaining Democratic and Republican presidential candidates would be arrested for DUI now, because they can’t even go for a piddle in private these days without 250 secret service officers accompanying them into the toilet and checking their genitals for suspect devices, so they’re hardly likely to be able to get shitfaced and have a drag race with a 17-year-old in a clapped out Golf GTI, are they? But all three serious presidential candidates have lived long lives before entering the political arena, so it’s not beyond reason that one of them might have got in trouble for DUI in the past. It’s just a matter of digging into their pasts closely enough for long enough. For all we know there could even be truth to the rumour that, in his youth, John McCain got hammered on mead and rode a dinosaur into the side of a volcano. Chances are, though, that it’s all deeply unlikely and the only way that either Barack Obama, John McCain or Hillary Clinton would get arrested for DUI is if someone spiked their drink and sat them at the wheel of their campaign bus when everyone else was sleeping. Which, admit it, would be kind of funny. Current US Presidential election betting odds – 8/1

Tomorrow – drug abuse! But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power US elections betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.