Uma Thurman’s Stalker Rejects The Loony Bin

You might classify drawing a picture of yourself walking along a razorblade while Uma Thurman digs your grave, or threatening to kill yourself if you ever see see Uma Thurman with another man as 'quite mental'.

But Jack Jordan certainly wouldn't, no sirree. And that's a shame, because he's the man who was arrested and stands accused of recently doing both of those things to Uma Thurman. But there's a lifeline - prosecutors have offered Jack Jordan a plea deal that would mean he'd get a reduced sentence if he admits guilt to the charges of stalking and attempted coercion. The only problem there is that Jack Jordan would be spending the reduced sentence locked up in a mental institution. And since he claims he isn't mental, Jack Jordan has decided to reject it. But, come on, liking Uma Thurman? And he claims he isn't crazy?

We've always judged the scale of crazy obsession to be a little bit fuzzy, and much of it depends on the object of the obsession. For instance, if the object was the French bra-girl from the Marks & Spencers advert, then ordering everyone in the room to be silent so you can lick the TV screen like a dog in peace each time her commercial comes on can't possibly be classified as obsessive. Everyone does it. There's nothing wrong with doing that.

But Uma Thurman, on the other hand, is different. For example, anyone who paid money to go and see Uma Thurman in My Super Ex-Girlfriend at the cinema or on DVD clearly suffers from a dangerous clinical obsession and should be locked up forever immediately. Or drowned. Or both.

With this in mind, you'd need to be completely doolally to even attempt to do any of the following to Uma Thurman: 1) Sleep in your car dangerously close to Uma Thurman's house, 2) break into Uma Thurman's trailer and leave cartoons of yourself walking along a razorblade while she digs your grave, 3) Threaten to kill yourself if you ever see Uma Thurman with another man, 4) Entertain the thought of watching the Uma Thurman movie Be Cool, even for the briefest of moments.

Sadly, 35-year-old Jack Jordan is accused of three - tragically maybe even four - of these things. In October Jordan was arrested and charged with stalking, aggravated harassment and attempted coercion, and last month his court appearances even inspired a haiku or two.

Things don't look great for Jack Jordan - if he's convicted of the charges he'll be sentenced to four years in jail - but prosecutors still want to cut him some slack. They want to reduce Jordan's charges, but to do that he first has to agree to plead guilty to slaking Uma Thurman and then spend a year in a mental facility.

However, Jack Jordan has dismissed the plea deal on the basis that he doesn't want a criminal record, and will now run the risk of being hit with the full force of the charges.

We can understand where this rejection came from, though - imagine spending a year in a mental facility. It'd be horrible - and almost impossible to draw any more razorblade/ grave pictures of you and Uma Thurman. And, really, isn't that what this case is all about?

Read more:

Uma Fan Says No To Nuthouse - E! Online