Did you enjoy these last eight months? These last eight blissfully hypeless Harry Potter-free months? You did? Well eat it losers – JK Rowling is back, and she's bigging up the final, half-written Harry Potter book like never before.
In an interview with Richard And Judy yesterday, JK Rowling revealed that two Harry Potter characters will die in the final Harry Potter book, leading to more manic speculation that Harry Potter himself is going to die, possibly at hands of a new female character called KJ Lowring who stabs him to death for ensuring that she can't walk down the street anymore without having a million kids asking her about Dumbledore all the time.
JK Rowling is only midway through writing the final book in the Harry Potter series – which probably means she's only written 90,000 pages so far – but it doesn't mean that she can't go on the telly and give out loads of glimpses into what's contained in the book so far.
By far the biggest Harry Potter revelation that JK Rowling let slip was that two Harry Potter characters are going to die in the final book. Who could they be? Hermione, as a punishment for her apparent underage drinking? Ron, for just looking a bit gormless and ginger all the time? Or – more likely – a couple of the minor characters that nobody really cares about.
Of course, there have long been reports that Harry Potter will die at the end of the final Harry Potter book, but JK Rowling was careful not to reveal too much to fawning sycophant interviewers Richard and Judy:
"One character got a reprieve, but I have to say two die that I didn't intend to die."
However, Rowling said she understood why some writers kill their characters off so that they'll never be lured into writing more stories just because a few children and weird adults keep on at them to, but she didn't go into details as to whether or not this was the case with Harry Potter:
"[I've] never been tempted to kill him off before the final because I've always planned seven books, and I want to finish on seven books."
There's still no publishing date for the final Harry Potter book, so we're probably in for a couple more years of having to listen to more of this tedious speculation. But still, if JK Rowling is busy using her mouth to talk about Harry Potter, then she can't make any more dumb statements about how crap skinny models are – an act about as useful as shouting at an apple for not liking the way that trees are grown.
[story by Stuart Heritage]