The internet hasn’t been quite the same since Twitter arrived. Social interaction has been key throughout the history of the web, but it wasn’t until Twitter that we saw how mental or boring celebrities were. They debunked their own myths with a handful of crudely typed out missives. God bless ’em!
And so, to celebrate stupid famous people, we’re going to cheer on the most mental and thick of the celebrity Twitter circuit.
You are, as ever, invited to submit your own in the comments should we be unaware of an actor’s barking rants or a musician’s daily nervous breakdowns.
Courtney Love
http://twitter.com/courtneyloveuk
Courtney Love is the queen of mental Tweeting, once chiding her daughter with one of the most cryptic sentences ever to grace an eyeball: “so how could she do it to me, ? dont answer fiddle you need to answer use the family wizard, i took the high road, i rasised you well & im”. Family wizard?
Normally, she can be seen ranting about people after her money, lawyers and haters. Alas, she seems to own the fattest fingers in the universe as her stream is filled with words that look like they’ve been pulled from a tumble drier full of letters.
Barmy.
Kanye West
Do you think Kanye West has something of an ego? Saying “these tweets be made of real panther” doesn’t help does it? Still, he’s got sagely musings on the world, such as: “A guy came up to the flight attendant and asked her for a pen knowing damn well he had a pen. I guess people already know the strategy.” Pardon? Maybe it’s comments like this which have prompted the world’s slowest rapper (yes, slower than Turbo B from Snap!) to say: “I’m trying my best to stay out my own way”
Vincent Gallo
http://twitter.com/vincent_gallo
Vincent Gallo is the master of the mental tweet. He’s nearly got a 100% strike rate. Follow him immediately for messages like “There’s nothing funnier than a dwarf having an allergy attack. LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE MOONWALKING, LITTLE DUDE!!” and “Fuck EVERYONE who eats brown rice.” Not to mention “I can’t decide whether I hate cheese or just feel really, really sorry for it” and “Enjoying new underwear I got at Target today. Thinking about making a sandwich.”
At least he’s had the decency to say: “I’d like to apologize to everyone for Brown Bunny.”
William Shatner
http://twitter.com/williamshatner
Lovely ol’ William Shatner signs off every Tweet with “My best, Bill.” Isn’t that nice? He’s prone to musing about the tiny things in life, such as: “Are the person who invented the Big Mac and the chef who makes an intense pate de flagras equally genius? My best, Bill”.
Then there’s the cryptic message to his old chum, Leonard Nimoy, which reads: “@TheRealNimoy No response to my nurturing you to your independence. Did I hurt your feelings? My best, Bill”. Keep an eye on this one, he’s due a meltdown.
Brent Spiner
http://twitter.com/BrentSpiner
Who? He’s another Star Trek alumni. Yeah, the guy who played dead-eyed Data. Well he’s barking mad. See – “Had an idea. The Con-Con. A convention featuring only celebrities who’ve been arrested. Quite a list. They could sign their mug shots” as well as “Yo, homies. That’s all of B-Rent. Peeps gettin all rachael on me. Dawgs, it’s nothin but a thang. You all my g-biscuits. The end. Respeck.”
Danny DeVito
http://twitter.com/danny_devito
De Vito’s first Tweet was “My nuts are on fire.” That’s almost everything you need to know really. More recently he yelled: “Live it baby! Reach out and grab that shiny thing! Don’t be shy! Make sure you hold on to the horse!” as well as being prone to taking pictures of his own feet and calling it ‘Troll Foot”, as seen here.
Perez hilton
http://twitter.com/PEREZHILTON
Perez Hilton may well be ill in the brains, so it’s not surprising that his Twitter feed can be a bit of a rollercoaster. Recently, he earnestly said to Lily Allen: “I’d love to watch you eat your own crap” as well as courting LadyGaGa’s male alter-ego as his boyfriend.
Kirstie Alley
http://twitter.com/kirstiealley
Kirstie Alley is great isn’t she? She’s damaged and proud of it. Her Tweets are good value you too. Only this week she said “Good morning!! God I wish I could say something smart and profound……….got nothin…..I like you”. Normally she shouts about all manner of stuff, including “Ok…lets play it THIS way…WHO DO YOU want to shag???? Feel free to mention a plethora…COME ON PEOPLE…LET ER RIP!!!” and “Lets ALL change our hair color in the next 48 hours!!!! Come on, it will be fun and it will make the EARTH tilt!!….. sorta”
Calvin Harris
http://twitter.com/CALVINHARRIS
This week, Calvin has been wondering if it’s okay to sweat out of your knees and the eating some dusty Mini Eggs that he found in his car. However, it’s his rants against the music industry that see him included in List Mental.
“Imagine the buzz of making something that you love, and after 2 years you finally have something you can’t wait for other people to hear ? then imagine that cd landing on the desk of ‘snide rich persons kid’ or ‘pathetic london scene-FACE, then them skipping through the tracks in their lunch break, and saying ‘well its calvin harris isn’t it? 2 stars, he’s a dick head’. I’m telling you now that it doesn’t feel good.”
He wasn’t done there either… “THIS ENTIRE INDUSTRY IS FULL OF RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS, EVERYWHERE, FUCKING RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS,” “RICH PEOPLE’S KIDS GETTING GOOD REVIEWS BECAUSE MUMMY FUCKED THE JOURNO IN THE 80S”. Bless you son. Bless that mental little ball of skull putty you have.
50 Cent
And for an almost constant source of mirth, check out Pifty Pence’s feed. This, is just the tip of a ridiculous iceberg… “Man when I figure out how to use the spell Check on this motherfucker you niggas in trouble.”
Cookie Monster says
I followed the link to Vincent Gallo’s tweetamabob as I was not entirely sure who he is. An instantaneous feeling of regret was upon me as I read, “I hate masturbating to someone’s avatar only to find out they don’t follow me.”. Lunatics, the whole lot of them, yet so amusing.
Eugene says
A question:
Besides serving as absolute proof that most celebrities are idiots and/or nuts, what is the actual point of Twitter?
Just wondering…
Pamalamadingdong says
Good one, Mof.
Rick Ladd says
Perhaps, if you stopped wasting your time (or at least wasted only a bit of it, like I’m doing here :), fretting about the glitterati and their nonsense – and followed people who have something to say about what really matters (like . . . say . . . your normal, tepid life, whatever that might be like), you might actually learn something. I’ve received a fairly good business education reading some of the links the people I follow have shared. Just a thought.
arjedgerton says
Egotistical and deluded Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan usually rants inanely about bullshit conspiracy theories or how much of a bitch Courtney Love is….